Trust in Me - Quinn Ward

1

Sam

Opening night. This was what I’d been waiting for, but now that it was here, all I wanted to do was hide in the office and wait until someone noticed I was missing. My stomach churned and I made a beeline for the employee bathroom. My only saving grace was the fact I was still able to hurl in relative privacy.

There had to be something seriously wrong with me. I wanted this. When I’d first interviewed for a management job at The Lodge, I knew I’d been in over my head, but Jack had taken a chance on me. Since then, it had been nothing but chances. For some stupid reason, he looked at the ideas I brought to the table and thought I was onto something special. He didn’t realize the ideas I’d come up with for my final project in business school were a fantasy. They were safe spaces I felt like the kink community was missing.

My only logic for showing him the ideas my professor had been so excited about, was that I had bumped my head and was suffering from a bout of temporary insanity. Otherwise, I never would have had the balls to show him my drawings and the business plan that had been fueled by too much caffeine and insomnia.

“Sam, are you just about ready?” William’s booming voice stopped my race to the bathroom.

“Yeah, give me a second,” I called out as I sprinted to the end of the hall. Jack and I were going to have a long talk when he got back. I was pissed that my boss had decided to take some time off right when we were getting ready for the grand opening of the first playroom. He was out there somewhere, but he’d said tonight was on me. If he wasn’t such a good boss, I’d have suspected him of not wanting to be held accountable if the playroom was a flop.

I barely had time to flip the bolt on the door and throw myself over the toilet before the lunch Jack had insisted I eat came back to haunt me. No matter how many times he told me how happy he was with the progress, and that people were going to love my ideas, I couldn’t let go of the fear that it would fail, and it would be my fault. Maybe there was nothing wrong with the way he’d run The Lodge for years before I’d ever set foot in the bar. Maybe we didn’t need a space where littles and their Daddies could congregate. Maybe I had myself fooled and I was enough of a smooth talker that I’d convinced him to waste thousands of dollars.

“Sam, open up or I swear I’m going to break down this door.” I wasn’t scared of William. He was one of the good guys, even if he was a bit intense at times. I wondered how long I’d been hiding out in the bathroom if he was threatening property damage.

I swiped the back of my hand across my mouth as I stared at myself in the mirror. I’d been working here for three years now, and no one had made me. Someday, I might even believe in myself.

“Coming,” I called out. My mouth tasted like… Well, about like what one might expect their mouth to taste like after puking to the point of muscle strain. Jack was counting on me. I needed to get my shit together. I stared down my reflection, leaning in for a pep talk. “You’re a smart man. You went through every possible scenario before meeting with Jack, and he agreed with you. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Open the door and I’ll tell you the same,” William told me. I could almost picture him leaning against the opposite wall, looking all domly and brooding. “Come on, Sam. There’s a room full of Daddies and boys out there, but we aren’t opening the playroom until you open the doors. This is your baby and it’s time to show the world.”

I pulled a paper towel out of the dispenser and wetted it. I felt marginally better after washing my face, but I wished I had some toothpaste. When I cracked the door open, I found William leaning just as I’d imagined he would be. I wished I could hate the guy for how easy he made it to look cool.

The noise coming from the main bar was deafening—even through a closed door. Or maybe that was me hallucinating. Either