Truly, Madly, Like Me - Jo Watson Page 0,21

There are seven hundred and eighty-nine residents here with six hundred and thirteen pets of some kind.”

I nodded at her, although I wasn’t sure why she was telling me this.

“Although,” she leaned in and whispered, “I definitely prefer some over the others. Denis Gutterman’s parrot, for instance,” she shook her head, “every time you turn around it says, ‘Nice buns, sweetie.’ Total pervert! And then there’s Dottie’s Persian, Babushka; she gives that cat so much catnip, it’s always bumping into tables or falling off the roof.” She shook her head and turned her attention to Satan’s Helper. “And who’s this handsome guy?” she asked.

I laughed. “Handsome? That would be the last thing in the world I would call him.”

But she nodded. “He looks like he’s really lived. Seen and done it all. What’s his name?”

“It’s Sat—” I stopped. I didn’t think I could say that out loud. “He’s not my dog. I saw him on the side of the road, and then he climbed into my car and came here with me. I have no idea who he belongs to. And now he’s following me around. Not my dog.”

She stopped talking and eyed me strangely. There was something very mystical and guru-like about the way she was looking at me. Perhaps it was her eyes. She had huge eyes, outlined in thick black liner. She had an olive complexion, but her eyes were a pale green color. That, combined with the dark lines around them, gave them a very mysterious look. “He’s adopted you,” she said.

I shrugged. “Against my will and totally by accident.”

“There are no such things as accidents,” she mumbled, as she opened Satan’s mouth and started inspecting his teeth. “This is clearly your dog. He has chosen you. And, therefore, you have chosen him too.”

I shook my head and rolled my eyes as she looked inside his one upright ear. The one that stood up and didn’t flop down.

“No. No. Trust me, I did not choose him. If I had to choose a dog, it would not look like this. I mean, I can’t even photograph him. He is so not hashtag dogs of Instagram, if you know what I mean?” I said.

She looked at me strangely again, and then a slow massive smile seemed to spread across her face. “Definitely your dog!”

“Definitely not my dog, but anyway,” I said defensively.

“So why have you brought him here?” she asked.

“Because he swallowed my car immobilizer, and I need it back so I can leave. I have to get home,” I said, even though technically I no longer had a home, but that was just a tiny detail I would need to iron out later. My sister did have a spare bedroom and if worse came to worst, I suppose she might let me stay there for a while . . . or would she?

She chuckled. “Maybe he’s trying to tell you something by keeping you here.”

I tutted. “Keeping me here, that’s ridiculous. Dogs don’t think like that, he just swallowed it because he’s a dog. That’s what dogs do. They swallow stuff.”

Her smile grew even more. All mysterious and mystical again; who was this woman? A vet or some pet psychic?

“He’s not my dog,” I mumbled one more time, starting to get a little pissed off that I kept having to explain myself.

“Suuuuure.” She really stretched that word out and then bent down and stroked his head. “Hey, big guy, did you swallow your mom’s car keys?”

“Not his mom,” I interrupted her.

She seemed to ignore me and rubbed his belly. She did it slowly and carefully and then gave a loud, “Uuummm.”

I stiffened. “What? Is he okay . . .? I mean . . .” I cleared my throat uncomfortably and looked down at him. This sudden pang of concern I was having felt very strange and wildly inconvenient.

“For someone who isn’t his mom, seems like you care a lot.”

“I don’t. I just want the thing back so I can leave this place.”

She stood up again. It looked like it was hard for her to get around, and she confirmed this when she grabbed her belly with one hand and the table with the other. And that’s when I noticed just how pregnant she was. I mean, I knew she was pregnant, but she was huge. “How big was the immobilizer?” she asked, sounding out of breath. I stared at her stomach for a moment and wondered if it would be rude to ask how big her baby