Truly, Madly, Like Me - Jo Watson Page 0,17

my new spiritual vibe. I could partner with essential oil companies, and do yoga retreats and all that stuff, and I would no longer be fake and inauthentic.

Yes, I was determined to have a spiritual experience out here and let that be my new defining brand voice. Frankie, who ran away from it all, who turned to the solace and quiet of the desert and found herself. Ha! I bet you @TheKyleWhite101 would hate that, if I swooped back in with a totally new angle. It would be me saying that I didn’t need him anymore because I had found me. The real me. And then people would like me again and I would be somebody once more.

I excitedly started writing new posts in my head; I would need a completely new vocabulary for my new persona. I would need to be all chakra and chi. Mantra and mindfulness. Awakened and looking out of my third eye with crystal healing clarity. I would need to change my name, of course, @FengShuiFrankie maybe.

I walked to the end of the main street in town. It ended abruptly and the tar crumbled away into sand and rocks. I loved the sound of the rocky ground under my shoes; it would make a great ASMR video. But my gosh it was hot out here, and it was autumn! Heat pressed down on me like an iron to clothing. It was suffocating and I could really do without it while trying to have my spiritual reawakening—it was very distracting.

I walked some more. The ground was flat and small, dry bushes were the only things that dotted the landscape. Some shoots of yellow grasses seemed to be clinging onto life. In front of me, huge mountain ranges rose up. Everything was a reddish brown here, no green in sight. The sky was blue and completely cloudless. I wiped my brow as I walked. Crap, I didn’t know how much longer I could put up with this weather. My spiritual awakening better bloody come soon, because all I wanted now was to be in the shade, a glass of iced water in hand. I shielded my face from the sun with my hands—I should have brought a hat. And worn sunscreen! But I hadn’t thought of any of that as I’d marched out the restaurant and straight into this godforsaken place.

God, it was quiet out here! Unnervingly so. I looked back over my shoulder; the town was still right behind me, I hadn’t even gone that far. And then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a streak of black movement. I swung around so fast I almost lost my balance. It was Satan’s Little Helper, and he was watching me.

I held my hand up at him. “Oh, you would, would you? Come out here and follow me like this.”

“Rrruuuff!”

I glared at him. “Whatever! I don’t care anyway, because I’m about to have a spiritual reawakening. Besides, I’m not even sure you’re real! I think you might be some kind of figment of my imagination!” I looked away from him and then threw my head in the air and marched as fast as I could into the dry, brittle shrubbery. He started walking too, about ten meters away from me, mirroring my steps. I stopped, and he stopped. I walked again, and he walked. Stopped. Walked. Stopped.

This was getting ridiculous. I was being followed around by the world’s ugliest dog, who might or might not be a hallucination. Or wait . . . maybe this was all part of my spiritual experience. Maybe the black dog was actually a metaphor for something else? But let’s get real—what the hell would a hideous black dog be a metaphor for anyway?

I started jogging now, jumping over prickly shrubs as I went. God, it was hot. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this up. Satan’s Little Helper was also jogging, and then, all of a sudden, he changed pace and started racing towards me. His tongue was hanging out of his mouth and he was panting. He looked determined and started barking frantically. I ran faster and faster, but then he was in front of me. I almost fell over him as he came to an abrupt stop. A massive cloud of red dust shot into the air and I could feel it in my eyes and taste it in my mouth.

“What are you doing?” I groaned, wiping the dust out of my eyes. His