“Like you’re the reason he exists. It’s intense, Em. But it’s a good intense. I would never say this if I didn’t mean it … But you should tell Jack you love him and give it a shot. So, there’s a tiny, tiny chance it doesn’t work out between you. Is that slight chance worth losing out on being with a guy who looks at you with such longing, it makes my heart hurt?”
I sucked in a deep, shaky breath.
And I knew she was right.
I knew if I let Jack slip away, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.
“Goddammit,” I huffed. “Now I really just want to find Jack.”
“Take a minute, breathe,” Ivy advised. “We’ll go to the group. You can get your head together and think about what you want to say to him when we get back into town.”
So that was the plan.
And I was a jittery, distracted mess as we hung out with the kids.
Leaving Ivy to teach Casey solitaire, which was a much less controversial alternative to poker, I was walking across the room to where the kids were playing a video game when I felt a painful squeezing sensation in my belly. It was like a period cramp.
Even though my heart sped up at the feeling, I tried to shake it. But when I took another step, I experienced another painful squeeze.
Concern made me flush hot from head to toe. Excusing myself, I hurried to the restroom and locked myself inside a stall. My mind raced to the worst-possible reason for the cramps, and I unbuttoned my jeans.
There on my underwear was my worst fear. A few spots of blood.
Terror ricocheted through me at the same time another cramp did, and I let out a little whimper.
“Em?” Ivy’s voice rang out through the room, and I realized she’d followed me. “Em, are you okay?”
My entire body shaking, I pulled up my panties and jeans and hurried out of the stall.
One look at my face made Ivy pale. “What’s wrong?”
“We need to go to the hospital.”
41
Emery
I could still hear Ivy’s voice as she called Jack. She’d called him as we rushed out of Balance. Her words echoed around in my head.
“Jack, you need to get to Hartwell General. I’m taking Em there now. She’s cramping … and bleeding … I know”—her voice broke a little—“but I’ve got her, okay?”
I wondered what he’d said.
But I didn’t ask.
I was too busy being petrified out of my mind about losing our baby.
Ivy must’ve broken every speed limit to get us to Hartwell. She kept cool and calm when we arrived at the hospital, her voice authoritative as she explained to the emergency room nurse what was wrong.
They took me into a private room right away. Five minutes later, Dr. Britt arrived. I remembered answering her questions as if on autopilot. She examined me. Ran tests. But it was like I was outside of myself. Fear had caused some kind of dissociation. Fear that not only would I lose this baby … but in losing my baby, I’d also lose my Jack.
Before I ever got the chance to have him.
“Em, your heart rate is high. I need you to calm down.”
She’d just finished saying those words when Jack appeared, striding through the door. The sight of him was like a rubber band snapping at my nose. I felt present again. No less fearful, but present.
He reached my side, grabbing my hand between his. “Sunrise.”
“You’re here,” I whispered, relief flooding me to feel his firm hand around mine.
“I always will be,” he vowed, his voice gruff.
“Good timing, Dad,” Dr. Britt said with a smile on her face. “The baby is fine. Heart rate is normal.”
“But—”
“The bleeding was merely spotting. And the cramping happens sometimes for no nefarious reason. I’ll have you monitor things and come back in if you have any heavier bleeding, but I’m not concerned. And I don’t want you to be.”
The terror that had been building inside me unleashed in a fit of sobs.
Jack’s arms wrapped around me, the bed depressing as he slid onto it so he could hold me as close as possible. “Shh, sunrise, you’re killing me,” he said hoarsely. “Please, please, Em, you’re okay. We’re all okay.”
“I’ll give you a moment,” I heard Dr. Britt say.
We were all okay. Jack kept whispering it over and over until it began to sink in.
I needed to tell him. I needed to tell him before it was too late.