response to the play, but his deviated into…something else. And knowing some of the details of his life—about his uncle, the good man who’d taken Kyle in after his family had left him for what the rest of the town believed was his own bad behavior—made me suspect that there was far more behind his words than some pissy sentiments toward Hamlet’s parental authorities.
After sixth period, I gravitated to his desk, taking a seat and rereading his response twice more. I wasn’t going to be able to get it out of my damn mind.
What are you telling me, Kyle?
I had the worst feeling, which prompted me to inspect the Georgia laws on mandatory reporting: “Child” means any person under 18 years of age.
Technically, Kyle didn’t qualify, but regardless, I was certain anyone with a brain and a bit of common sense would have told me I damn well should have treated him as I would have any other student.
I didn’t have enough to go off of, but even if I had, I couldn’t imagine betraying his trust like that.
There was a rattle at my door before it opened.
Kendra stepped in, smiling. “Hey there. Trolling Facebook when you should be grading papers?”
“Sort of. Mostly getting lost in my own thoughts.”
She approached, settling in the desk beside Kyle’s. I slid his paper between a few others. I knew she couldn’t have picked up what I had from it, but I felt it was my job to protect Kyle’s precious thoughts from anyone else.
They were meant for me. I just knew it. And I feared the worst.
“So…that project I’m volunteering for over at the William Handhurst library? We had a massive amount of donations, and I was wondering if you happened to be free this week, maybe Wednesday afternoon?”
“That’d be good. I’ll offer that as extra credit if anyone’s willing to pitch in.”
“Yeah, I was hoping you’d say that. I’ve been asking some of the other teachers if they would do the same. They said they would, but you know how it goes.”
“Hey, I can’t promise I can actually get any of these kids there.”
“Tell me about it. It’s fine, as long as you can make it.”
The way she said it reminded me of something that had been on my mind. We’d gotten together a few times since our first date, but they had all wound up the same. We’d spent the evening chatting, and then I’d go home. She was amazing, but…
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about—”
“You don’t have to say anything, James. You were very nice. If the spark isn’t there, it isn’t there. I’m fine with just being friends if you are.” She rested her hand on the edge of Kyle’s desk.
“Thank you for understanding.”
“It is awfully recent between you and your ex, so if you do end up changing your mind…”
“You’ll be the first to know,” I assured her.
15
Kyle
Ignoring Teach was killing me.
It was the right thing to do, I kept telling myself, but if anything, it only seemed to make my fucked-up crush that much worse.
When I’d been working on one of James’s homework assignments during the week, I’d been so aggravated. I wanted to talk to him about so many fucking things, but I couldn’t, not to him or anyone. It all came flooding out anyway.
I’d regretted handing it in, yet I was certain if anything, it would be the end of it. He’d see my weird-ass response and disregard it, and I’d know he didn’t care about me any more than any other student. It was the remedy to this fucking obsession the growing feelings for him had become.
Or was it a cry for help?
Either way, I was ready for James to let me down.
It didn’t keep me from feeling on edge when I walked into his classroom the next day. I could feel his gaze on me, just as I’d been able to since last week. It seemed worse now, after having skipped H4H on Saturday, despite his reassurance the day before. He knew something was different.
Although, the fact that he was concerned made me think that at least he didn’t know—couldn’t know—the real reason: my stupid feelings for my teacher. Felt dumb even thinking it.
As I went to my desk, trying to keep my cool, I wondered if he’d read it, but as I peeked at him, his eyes on me in a different way than usual, I was certain he had.