as he threw his arms around me, not that I would have been able to muster the courage even if there had been.
He pushed me back against the door, putting all his weight against me as he sobbed into my shoulder.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
There was so much pain in the word. I could feel his desperation about the man he cared for with every part of his being.
“He was totally fine. We were having fun, getting fucking ice cream, cracking jokes…and I was making fun of him for stuttering…God, I made fun of him…”
“Hey, no, no.” I pulled away and looked into his eyes. Tears pushed free, sliding down his beautiful face. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t give him a stroke. You didn’t know what was going on, and neither did he. Okay?” They suspected a stroke, but were still running tests.
The tears continued as he nodded, even though I could tell he still wasn’t convinced of his own innocence.
“Come here. I’ve got you.”
But just as he started to get close again, I heard something behind me and turned to see a nurse in the doorway.
Goddammit.
It was like the whole fucking universe was conspiring against us.
Kyle pulled back and turned away from me, batting his hands at his eyes.
“Oh, hello. Are you family too?”
“No, he’s not. He’s…my teacher.” Kyle said the words so bitterly. I knew he didn’t mean them as anything against me, but because he was as bothered as I was by the obstacle that prevented us from sharing this moment the way we needed to.
“What’s up with my uncle?” he asked.
“He’s been stabilized, and he’s about to be transferred to ICU. We’ll let you know as soon as we have results from labs and testing. In the meantime, you have some friends here to see you.”
Taryn and Ben stepped in behind her, rushing to Kyle’s side. They comforted him, pulling him into a nearby chair as we all sat there, doing our best to be there for him. To make him feel less alone through the fear and uncertainty that lay ahead.
Once the conversation had petered out, we were all on our phones, Kyle and I texting each other.
Kind of wish we’d had more time alone, Kyle messaged.
No, you don’t. Your friends are here. You need them right now.
I do, but…IDK
He knew, and I did too. I also knew that no amount of kisses or caresses could soothe what he was going through.
As I pulled up the news, a call from Sheila popped up. I declined the call, feeling more than justified to ignore it under the circumstances.
Hours passed before the nurse finally led us to the unit where Tex was. She said she could permit the four of us, but after, they’d have to limit visitors.
Tex’s face was as white as his hair, and he’d been hooked up to a ventilator via an endotracheal tube, with electrodes placed across his head, and two IVs attached nearby. He looked peaceful enough as he slept.
Taryn and Ben stuck around as we waited for more information. I noticed a few looks my way from both of them. They surely wondered why I was there, or so concerned.
Maybe I was overthinking it, but I texted Kyle: You sure you want me to stick around with your friends here?
I don’t give a fuck. They won’t care. Don’t leave me.
I won’t.
If he needed me to be there, I would be, for as long as he needed me to.
The doctor finally arrived to tell us the prognosis based on the results of the CT scan: a hemorrhagic stroke. As she described what this meant, I could tell Kyle was overwhelmed. How could he not be? The doctor dumped enough information to leave us all confused and googling like crazy, with a couple thousand more questions for when we saw him next, so basically a typical hospital experience.
For all that was happening, Kyle was doing amazing, but looked tired as fuck. It was a heartbreaking reminder that even having answers didn’t shake the worries or fears of the unknown.
As midnight rolled around, my stomach growled, but it wasn’t my own hunger that concerned me. “If you guys want, I can bring you something to eat,” I told them.
Taryn looked up from her textbook, stopping what calculus she’d been working in the notebook on one side of the page. “Um…”
“You guys need to get home,” Kyle said. “I appreciate your coming, but it’s a school night. I’ll text you if anything comes up.”