The Trouble With Angels Page 0,90

from the most crushing of life's disappointments, he didn't know.

What he'd failed to do was deal with Barbara's loss in his heart. In his gut.

His faith should have been strong enough to carry his doubts, strong enough to answer the unanswerable. He was a man of God. He was a man who'd dedicated his life to the ministry. A man who eased others' pain, but not his own.

The conflict came when his mind declared war on his emotions. Faith merged with doubt, and, like water and oil, the two refused to blend, and soon Paul couldn't tell the difference between hope and despair. Both felt the same to him.

Once, a long time before, someone had told Paul that the greatest beauty was watered by tears. He'd shed his tears, mourned the loss of his wife, and had yet to find any beauty in her death.

The hospital parking lot was full. If Paul had been looking for a reason to turn away, one was presented to him on a tarnished platter.

"I'm sorry, Bernard, I would have been there in your hour of need, but there wasn't a parking space available." How ludicrous that sounded.

Paul circled the lot once more and mumbled under his breath when he didn't see a single available spot. Not even someone walking through, someone he could follow in order to claim their spot.

Paul eased his eyes heavenward. "If you want me here, you'll provide the space."

The words had barely escaped his lips when a car unexpectedly jerked out of a parking space directly in front of him. Paul's mouth fell open.

"All right, all right," he muttered, "so you want me here."

Once he parked, Paul walked into the hospital and took the elevator to the appropriate floor. He stepped onto the floor and walked toward the waiting area. There he found two of the three Bartelli children. He knew them from years past, but they stared at him as though he were a stranger.

"Hello," he said, walking into the waiting area. He introduced himself.

"I'm Rod," said the older of the Bartelli sons, exchanging handshakes with Paul.

"Luke." The middle son shook his hand next.

"Anna and my dad are in with Mom," Rod explained. He lowered his voice. "I don't think it will be much longer. She held on until we could all get here. She seems to be waiting for you."

Paul swallowed uncomfortably with that bit of information. "How's your father holding up?" He directed the question to the older of the two men.

Rod looked him directly in the eye. "Not good. His heart isn't good. I don't know how much more of this he can take."

"I'll see what I can do," Paul promised, although he feared it wouldn't be nearly enough.

He found Bernard and Anna sitting at Madge's bedside. Madge was as pale as the sheets. Her eyes were closed, and Paul wondered if she'd slipped into a coma. It would be merciful if she had.

"Pastor." Bernard stood when he noticed Paul standing in the doorway. "Mrs. Johnson said she wasn't sure if she'd be able to reach you or not."

"I came as soon as I heard."

Madge's eyes fluttered open. "Pastor," she said in a voice so weak, Paul had to strain to hear. "Good. Good," she repeated weakly. "I've been waiting for you."

"You want to talk to me?" Paul asked.

She moistened her dry lips. Again her voice was low, and she closed her eyes as though the effort drained her of what little strength she possessed. "Yes."

"She's been repeatedly asking for you," Anna explained softly.

"Alone."

The request came from Madge.

"Mom wants us to leave her with Pastor Morris," Anna said to her father. The two left the room.

When they were gone, Madge opened her eyes. They were dull with pain and drugs. "It won't be long now," she whispered.

"No," Paul agreed. "Are you afraid, Madge?" Perhaps that was the reason she wanted to talk to him privately, he thought.

She smiled, and Paul swore it was one of the most beautiful smiles he'd ever seen. "No. I'm thinking about when we adopted Anna," she said. "How eager we were for our little girl. Bernard and the boys had a room all prepared for her. Waiting to love her." She paused, and Paul suspected she needed to renew her strength before she continued. "God is waiting to welcome me with the same love we had for Anna."

"Yes." Paul had never doubted that Barbara was in heaven or the warm welcome she received.

"I'll be healed at last," Madge whispered.

"Healed?" The word