Trillion - Winter Renshaw Page 0,67
things I could do with that money,” I say. “I can’t change what I did, and I’ll never get that part of me back, but if I spend the rest of my life making a difference for other people, maybe one day I’ll be able to forgive myself.”
Trey drags in a long, jagged breath as he studies me.
“Anything else you want to come clean about?” he asks.
I can’t read him.
“Yes.” I slip my fingers around the waistband of my pajama bottoms and slide them halfway down my hips. Next I push my panties down an inch until the translucent, silver-white C-section scar is on full display. “This is why I’ve always insisted on the dark when we’ve messed around, why I’ve always turned away from you when we have sex … I didn’t want you to see this, to ask questions I didn’t want to explain. This scar is a reminder of a time in my life that holds nothing but shame and grief.”
He forces a hard breath through his nostrils. Without warning, he lowers himself until my scar is at eye-level. I squeeze my eyes tight, sucking in a breath when he runs his finger along it.
“If you want out of this, if you can’t look at me the same now, I understand,” I say.
When I peer down at him, he meets my stare. And in a moment I never could have anticipated, he presses his mouth against the one place I’ve never allowed a man to kiss since that fateful day.
My lungs burn and my body turns stiff. I force myself to take a deep breath.
Trey rises slowly, his tender hold remaining on my hips. “You were eighteen, Sophie. I imagine you were scared out of your mind. You did what you had to do.”
“I could’ve made it work.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I would’ve made it work,” I say.
“But then you wouldn’t be who you are today.” He takes my cheek in his hand, and suddenly I resent the compassion in his voice and his despondent gaze washing over me. “You’ve spent all this time hating yourself for what you did when you were a child.”
“I was an adult and should’ve known better.”
“You were exploited by an older man. You couldn’t have known better.” His words are tight on his mouth. “Tell me, are you going to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for this?”
“I … don’t know,” I say. I’ve never thought about it like that. “It’s my burden to bear.”
“So you’re just going to carry this around with you forever?” he asks, incredulous.
When he puts it like that, I realize how ridiculous it seems.
But feelings are real to those who feel them. Unless he knows what I’ve been through firsthand, he can’t comprehend how difficult that would be.
“My baby’s father,” I continue, “he was adamant that he never wanted to be a dad. And he said he found the perfect adoptive mother. He made her sound wonderful … but the day I signed my baby away, I saw him with her in the nursery. He kissed her. He had his arm around her. I later found out she was his college girlfriend … And a year later, he married her.” My lip trembles and little earthquakes run through my body. “So while I walked away with nothing, they walked away with our baby. He got to raise her. Gets to raise her. He got to see every milestone, be there for every first.”
“You had a daughter.”
I bite my lip, not realizing I’d used those pronouns. Everything was supposed to stay secret, including the gender.
“Everything about you suddenly makes perfect sense,” he says. “Who did this to you, Sophie? I want his fucking name.”
My lips press flat. “I wish I could tell you …”
“Then tell me.”
“I signed an NDA,” I say. “If I say anything, there’ll be repercussions.”
He’ll stop paying for my sister’s experimental treatment. He’ll seize the house my mother has come to love the last eight years. There’ll be questions. She’ll want to know why I broke the NDA. And if she finds out about my arrangement with Trey, I’ll break her heart all over again.
“I’ll handle those repercussions.”
“This isn’t your problem.”
“Your problems became mine the moment you signed that contract,” he says. “Let me deal with him.”
I huff. “And what are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure.”
They named her Sasha, and she’s beautiful. Wavy dark hair, big blue eyes accented by a thick fringe of lashes, rosy cheeks. In the handful of photos