Outside, I’m really ready to unleash on her … when she leans back and I see her eyes. They match the season.
“Ask me how much I’ve missed you.” She smiles big, bright, and more beautifully than I remember.
“I’m so fucking pissed at you,” I sneer as I continue walking down the road with her wrapped around me.
“I’ve missed you so much, Patrick. So, so much.” Her eyes mist.
“Shut up, Savannah.”
“It’s Sutton now.”
“I don’t give a fuck.”
“You’re mad. I understand. But I sure hope we can be friends.”
“Fuck you,” I say, looking over her shoulders as I cross the street.
“I’m drunk, and I’m happy when I’m drunk now, so I won’t fight with you.”
Three buildings down is mine. I’m not sure why the hell I’m taking her there, but I am.
“I moved back to the States three months ago.” She smiles, beginning to play with the ends of my hair.
“Right after Tris got married, I kind of figured you’d be back soon, too. You didn’t look too happy in the wedding photo taken by the paparazzi.”
“I considered Jersey but remembered how much you said you loved Boston and thought I’d check it out.”
“Right now, Boston is my worst fucking nightmare,” I say as the doorman opens the door.
“Good evening, Mr. Steel.”
“George,” I say as I walk past him.
“George,” she mimics me then starts laughing.
The elevator bank opens, and I swipe my card across the sensor then stand in the middle of the elevator as it ascends to the top floor.
“I learned so much about my father and his culture. Mostly, that it’s not for me. But most importantly, that it’s okay for him to love his way of life. The culture values family, in a different way than you do, but it’s okay that it’s different. I could never see myself living there, because it’s an extremely patriarchal society, and if I wanted to say fuck the man there, I would probably get in a much different kind of trouble than I can get in here. But my half-siblings are interesting, and we stay in touch through social media. I’ve changed, Patrick.”
When the doors open to my place, I walk in and head right to the couch where I drop her down on it.
She looks around. “Nice place.”
I start to pace and do so for enough time that, when I look back at her, ready to rip her a new asshole, she’s passed out.
Standing in the windows looking out over Boston Harbor, music playing to calm me, I take a sip of my coffee.
“I’m never drinking again,” I tell myself.
From behind me, I hear, “Why’s that?”
I don’t even want to look at her. I just want her to go the fuck away.
“Apparently, I pick up old habits and bring them home.”
I hear the leather on my couch crinkle and know she’s sitting down.
“You know what they say, old habits die hard.” She laughs quietly.
“Yeah, I’m not wishing them death, just to not be seen or heard from after they fuck up your heart.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“Is that so?”
“This one ex-boyfriend of mine was said to have started dating a girl he professed to be annoyed with.”
“Wow, what a dick. I wonder why he’d do such a thing.” I know damn well she’s talking about Davina. I didn’t date her. I fucked her. Three times.
“Maybe because he felt it would hurt me, because he doesn’t understand how much I hurt myself by walking away.”
“Well, that was stupid on your part.”
“I’m really sorry you feel that way.”
“I’m really sorry you made me feel that way.”
Silence.
“You have any more coffee?”
“Downstairs, take a left. There’s a little shop with a barista who has a shitty attitude.”
“Cool, you go there every time she works?”
“Fuck no. I make my own coffee now.”
I hear her get up, and then I hear her feet pad across the floor. “Do you have any pumpkin spice?”
“No.”
She starts opening cupboards and drawers. “Wow, sparkling clean, like no one even lives here.” I hear the fridge open. “Or eats, apparently.”
“I’d like to get you a car. Where would you like to go?”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Fine. I was fucked up, and it was stupid to bring you here. It won’t happen again. I apologize. Now—”
“Ask me why I was walking into that office the other day. The one you were walking out of with your grandmother.”
“It’s none of my business,” I answer.
“The same reason I can’t let you love me anymore.”