keep hurting you. This isn’t an excuse; it’s the truth. I’ll probably do it again, and again, and again. I’m impulsive at times … reactive, too. It will never be intentional. Not ever, Savvy. I told you I didn’t ask to room with you for any reason but because I like you. I don’t have to compete with you.”
Compete with me?
“And I kissed you because I love you.”
Oh, fuck no, not this shit again.
“You even try to love on me again, I will shank you in your sleep,” I warn her, breaking my vow of somewhat silence.
“I know now it’s not in that way, but I do. And honestly, that’s what I know how to do. I’m a lover, Savvy. I am, and fuck anyone who judges me. I like sex. I like touch. I like it a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. And isn’t that freeing and empowering, too?”
I sit up. “That’s not empowering.”
“It is, Savvy. For me, it is.” She sits on her bed and hugs herself. “I’m going to tell you my darkest secret so that you stop hating me. I can’t take that. My dad hates me. Everyone at my public school hates me. The people at the damn conversion school hated—”
“The what?” I gasp.
She shrugs and looks up at me through the curtain of blonde hair hanging in front of her blue eyes. “I was a bad girl, Savvy. Everyone said so. Everyone except my mom, and look what that did to her life. I ruin everything; that’s what I do.”
When she starts to cry, I shake my head. “No, you don’t, Chloe. We’re teenagers; we’re still trying to figure out who we are and where we belong.”
She wipes away her tears the way a girl who wants to make sure her mascara isn’t dripping down her face does. The way a girl who cares too much about what others think does.
“If I tell you I think you need a hug, because you do, and if I give you one, do you promise not to ever try to kiss me, like ever again?”
She lets out a strangled sob while saying, “I promise.”
Before I have a chance to get out of bed, she is all wrapped around me.
“I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”
I awkwardly hug her, pat her on the back, and tell her, “I accept your apology.”
She sniffs. “Can I sleep in your bed with you?”
“We aren’t there yet, Chloe.”
“Too early?”
“Yep, it sure is.”
“Sorry, I’ll try harder.”
And that statement right there tugs harder than the tears did at my heart strings.
“No, Chloe, don’t try; just be.”
“Be who?” she says, stepping back then sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Be you.”
“I have no idea who I even am anymore.”
“I’m guessing conversion school had something to do with that. Fuckers. Who do they think they are? Who do—”
She shakes her head and honestly looks scared. “You have no idea.”
“I’m not sure I want to know.”
“I wish I never did.”
I move back so my back rests against the wall and pat the spot next to me. “You talk. I’ll listen.”
“You sure?”
I nod. “Sometimes, we just need that, you know?”
She falls asleep in my bed, and I let her.
11:59 p.m. - Sorry, crazy fucking day. Yeah, it’s been all over the gossip blogs, too. Pretty fucked up they can’t just be, you know? It’s none of anyone’s GD business. He’s ready to lose his shit. I can’t say as I blame him, but Kiki’s not wanting him to say a thing. GN, Savannah. See you tomorrowwwwwww.
Chapter 17
“There never was any heart truly great and generous,
that was not also
tender and compassionate.”
~Robert Frost
Patrick
After walking Kiki to class, I text Brand, reassuring him that Kiki got to homeroom unscathed. Promised him yesterday that I would take care of it, and I did. I would have even if he wasn’t the father of her baby. She’s crew.
Max was right beside her, too, which, to be honest, I was more worried about someone saying something in front of him than to her. He’s been wound up tight lately.
I put my phone on silent as I walk into homeroom as the bell rings.
JT is sitting beside her in the back, where we sat the only other day she’s been in school, due to Chloe the kissing bandit.
I drop my bag on the floor, because I didn’t have time to hit my locker, and sit on the other side of Savvy.
“Morning, Savannah.”
“Still Savvy,” she mutters as she flips the page in some book.