Trey - Shandi Boyes Page 0,39

three years. I wanted them to kill me, to free me from the torment I hadn’t built the courage to end myself. My father raised me with so much self-worth, no matter how many times I pierced the shank through my frail skin the prior twelve months, I couldn’t end my life as Cole had tried years earlier.

Nikolai saw straight through my ruse. He knew I was taking the coward’s way out, so instead of killing me as I was hoping, he walked out of my torture chamber, grunting that Nero would have been dead if I had truly planned to kill him.

I dug the tip of my shank in deeper, determined to prove Nikolai wrong.

All it did was display the courage I assumed I’d lost.

Upon seeing this, Nikolai gave me two choices. Kill Nero and remain captive in a compound now controlled by Russians, or put down my shank and join him in returning rightful order.

“I’m British,” I said to him that night, speaking for the first time in years.

Nikolai smiled a grin that revealed he had once been as broken as me. “Bloodlines mean nothing when kingdoms are merely conquered provinces.”

When confusion bombarded me, I received help from the last person I expected.

“He means princes don’t necessarily wear crowns,” Nero said, unconcerned about the sharp, rusty blade piercing a vein in his neck. “And darkness is a realm that needs more than one leader.”

With uncertainty higher than my wish to die in that instance, I lowered my shank before collapsing to the ground, my exhaustion too apparent to ignore for a second longer. I had hit rock bottom that day as I did last night, yet K still rolls the orange she’s been holding the past hour my way, hopeful I’ll prove it isn’t tainted with drugs so she can eat it.

Even after ensuring Dok dressed her wounds without touching her in a way that could be deemed unacceptable, and sitting by her bedside for hours on end to ensure her slip into a deep, dark void for the second time wasn’t interrupted, I don’t deserve her trust. I hurt her even knowing she’s been hurt in unimaginable ways.

That makes me a fucking monster.

That makes me unworthy of her faith.

But more than anything, it makes me want to protect her even more. Not just from additional harm but me as well.

Knowing K will never eat until the food she’s consuming is proven safe, I bend down to gather up the orange. When I bite into the tangy, bitter fruit without bothering to peel it, K’s eyes drop to watch the bob of my Adam’s apple. Once the clump of citrus is sitting in my stomach, she returns her eyes to my face, soundlessly begging for me to return her orange.

I should roll it across the floor like it isn’t dirty, pretend I don’t care she’s eating food too acidic for her shrunken stomach to handle, but for some fucked-up reason, I can’t. Just like I couldn’t walk away last night, I can’t this morning, either. I’m drawn to her. I just have no clue why. For years, I’ve cared about no one but myself.

Panic floods K’s impressive eyes when I spin on my heels and walk out of the room. I’m clutching her orange in my hand, hopeful the gall I saw in her eyes in less than a nanosecond is as strong as I’m anticipating. If she wants to eat, she’ll have to bring out her strengths again because only someone strong enough to leave the darkness unaccompanied deserves a second chance.

I learned that the hard way three years ago when I followed Nikolai out of the dungeon I’d been held captive in for three years. He wasn’t giving me a free pass. I worked for everything I’ve achieved. It wasn’t fucking easy, but glory doesn’t come to those too scared to fight for victory.

“Let them wander freely. They’re not prisoners here,” I say to Rory who’s manning the corridor with an AK-47 in one hand and a packet of cigarettes in the other. “Just remember, no one is to make a move until Nikolai says so.”

I wait for him to lift his chin in confirmation before heading for the kitchen at the back of Clarks. When I enter the industrial-size space, my jaw gains an involuntary tick. Instead of flour coating the wooden chopping blocks the cooks prepare food on, cocaine is.

“Get that shit out of here.” Rick’s wide eyes lift to mine for the quickest