Travis's Gift (Riley's Pride #3)- Sandra R Neeley Page 0,11

each time you reach out to me will be the time that you remain my friend and not pull away as has become your habit. You made it seem that you were interested in me once more at Maia’s baby shower. I actually started thinking that maybe things would be okay. And as soon as I did, you shut me out — just like you always do.”

“Libs…”

“No, let me finish. I don’t harbor any beliefs that you’ll ever see me as your mate again. But I can’t help but miss the friendship we had before you went overseas. It’s hard on me every time you let me see flashes of that, only to pull it away a week or two later whenever it suits you. I can’t do that anymore.”

Travis sat across from Libby, the love of his life, his mate. And he saw all the pain he’d caused her over the few years he’d been home. There was no excuse for his behavior, but each time he pulled away he honestly thought he was doing what was best for her. “I never meant to hurt you, Libby. Everything I’ve done was a result of my own issues, not you.”

“Doesn’t make it any easier.”

Travis looked down at his hands where he’d folded them neatly on the table in front of him. “Okay,” he said. “Truth. My truth.”

Libby sat quietly and watched him, waiting to see what his explanation would be this time.

“I find it hard to think about you saddled with a male who is less than whole. I find it hard to think about you having to deal with me day in and day out.”

“That’s ridiculous. I loved you, the male in here,” she said, tapping her chest. “That was not based on how many fingers, toes, eyes, or legs you had. It’s your soul that I loved,” she said passionately with a hint of anger to her tone.

“I don’t sleep, Libby. And on the nights I do happen to find a few hours of sleep, I wake screaming from the pain of my leg being amputated, like it’s happening all over again. It’s ghost pains, but they're real. Though the leg is gone, I can still feel the pain. After a day of working around the farm, there’s nothing I can do to stop the throbbing. I massage it the best I can, but it only temporarily alleviates it. There are times I have to get Scotty to help me get out of the shower because the pain is so much that I can’t manage to get out on my own. There are days I rage at the world around me, and there are days I break down and cry until I fucking collapse. I can’t jump up and go to investigate any sound I hear. I can’t protect you like a male should. I can’t fucking walk unless I have this goddamn piece of plastic strapped to my body,” he said, thumping his prosthetic.

“Bullshit. You had no problem helping the Pride fight against Richie’s father. And you had no problem helping Base protect his family.”

“I know that. But it was different,” Travis said, reaching out to grasp her hands in his.

“How was that different?” Libby asked.

“They aren’t you! What if it had been you, and I’d failed?”

“You wouldn’t have.”

“I was afraid. I was so afraid,” he admitted.

“Of what?” Libby asked.

“If you were to be injured as a result of my shortcomings, I’d never forgive myself. Never! You are all that matters to me,” he said. “I’m less than. I’m not the male you loved when we were younger. I’m different. And what was done to me can’t be undone. I’ll never be the male I used to be. I was afraid you’d grow to resent me as much as I resent myself.”

Libby sat there, her eyes glued to her hands enveloped by his. “You’re the only thing that has ever injured me. Your insistence at pushing me away and pretending ‘we’ never happened. Your harsh words, your complete lack of faith in my ability to choose my own life, or my own male. Your lack of belief in what we had and what we were to each other. Those are the only things that have ever injured me, and they all came directly from you.”

Travis sat there, listening to her words. He nodded. “I was so full of self-pity that I couldn’t see past my view of myself. But I’m trying, Libby. It doesn't make up for