Trapped (The Condemned Series #1) - Alison Aimes Page 0,59

“If it was aliens, we’ll never find her.”

Caine’s hands fisted at his side. “I didn’t say it was true. Just that it was something we need to consider. We’ll know more after we search again tomorrow. I want to take another look at the caves in the light.”

“Right.” She stared at his hands. Wishing he would unclasp them and put his arms around her. Touch her. Hold her. Comfort her. But the fact was, she had no right to ask. That had never been their deal to begin with.

And she was far less certain of where they stood now than ever before.

Tension vibrated between them, a livewire of awareness she didn’t know how to interpret. He’d set no terms for what he wanted in return for his help searching for Ava. She wasn’t even sure what she wished he’d ask for, though the thought of saying goodbye and simply walking away made her eyes sting all over again.

“There’s a small overhang less than five metrals from where Ava was taken,” he said at last. “We’ll stay there for the night.”

So…she was staying with him.

Her relief was embarrassingly immense. As were her nerves. They’d never been lovers in the true sense of the word, and yet he knew her body, her dark needs and cravings, better than anyone. From the first time, his touch had brought her nothing but pleasure. He’d seen the best and worst of her. It made her feel close to him in a way she’d never felt for another living soul. And vulnerable. Too vulnerable.

She hadn’t been wrong about any of the things she’d said to him after the tigos attack, but she wished now that she’d stopped to think if maybe things weren’t so black and white. She’d accused him of being afraid, but the fact was, she’d been afraid, too. Afraid of being rejected. Afraid she was becoming nothing more than another burden. Afraid he cared too little. Afraid she’d never measure up to a wife she hadn’t even known he’d had. So she’d run before giving him time to make things right.

But she wasn’t running now. Because time away had let her see that, as much as it hurt to have only a small part of him, it hurt a lot worse to have none at all.

Determined, she stepped beneath the overhang. Soft, comforting light spilled into the space indicating Caine had engaged yet another of his glow sticks. A heavy hand fell on her shoulder.

“Bella?”

She swiveled around, her throat tight. She liked hearing her name on his lips.

“I’m sorry.”

She stared at him, her heart beating hard. Was he expressing regret over Ava’s disappearance? Or what had happened between them? His grim expression gave nothing away.

“Helping me look for Ava today,” she began, “that’s more than I can ever repay.”

“I don’t want repayment.” The glow stick thudded to the ground. His hands cupped her shoulders, his voice rough and low. “I don’t want anything in return.” He cleared his throat. “I shouldn’t have gone after you like that. I said you’d be safe with me, and then I did the unthinkable.”

“You were dealing with some old stuff, I think.” She wasn’t going to tip-toe around the issue anymore. “Your wife and what happened with her.”

“That’s no excuse. I trained as a soldier and a pilot and spent a lot of years fighting on Earth. But I never once raised a hand against a woman. Even when Gwen and I weren’t getting along. Even when she slept around. I don’t think I deserve praise for that. It’s…it’s just how a real man behaves. But…but I lost it with you and,” he blew out a breath, “and I’ve done a lot of bad shit in my life, but I never felt truly ashamed until that moment.”

Needing to touch him, she slid her hands along his skin until her palms covered his wide shoulders. “Like you said, this place twists us all. You’re a good man.”

She could scarcely believe he was sharing so much of himself.

He swallowed hard. “By the time we met, I’d become more beast than man. Living alone. Caring only for myself. But you changed that. Touching you, being with you, watching you care so much for everyone and everything around you, brought me a little bit more back to myself. And the thought of losing that…of losing you….” His hold tightened. “You were one hundred percent right. I was afraid. I didn’t want to let you in further. I didn’t want to go