Translation of Love - By Alice Montalvo-Tribue Page 0,7
to change the subject. “What do you do for a living?”
For the first time all night, he looks apprehensive. Almost unsure of himself. “Um… A little of this and that. It’s hard to explain, though I am here on business for a few days.” He smiles at me, never letting go of my hand. “What about you, Elle? What do you do?”
“I’m a systems administrator for an advertising firm. I basically handle their internal computer network.”
He looks impressed. “That sounds interesting. Do you like it?”
I hate it. I dread getting up and going to work every morning to a thankless job with arrogant people though I can’t tell him that. “It’s okay. I’m good at it.”
We talk for a while longer about our hobbies, sports, the impending summer and what that means for a shore town like mine. The more time I spend with him, the easier he is to talk to and the more relaxed I become. I don’t think conversation has ever flowed this freely between myself and a member of the opposite sex. Everything about Victor is different than what I have become accustomed to with men. I could easily sit here with him all night talking about everything and nothing, but I know that he could be dangerous to my resolve so I make the decision to let the night end. “I’ve had a really nice time with you, but it’s getting late. I really should go.”
He gives me a quick nod. “Of course. Come on, I’ll walk you out.” He gets up, throws some bills on the table and takes hold of my hand, guiding me out of the restaurant. “Where are you parked?” he asks as we exit the doors.
“I walked here from the bookstore. I left my car there”
“It’s late and you shouldn’t be walking alone at this time of night. I’ll walk you.”
“I’ll be fine. It’s really not that far at all.” I don’t want him to walk me. The more time I spend with him, the more that I like him and I am not willing to acknowledge those feelings.
“Come on,” he says, pulling me in the direction of the bookstore. “What kind of gentleman would I be to let a pretty lady walk alone in the dark?”
I don’t argue with him. The truth is, I like his company. I’m at war with myself. Part of me wants to spend as much time with him as I can and the other part of me knows that it’s just a waste of time. I’m incapable and unwilling to give any more of myself than a few hours and a friendly conversation. We walk hand in hand for a while in comfortable silence.
“This is me,” I say, stopping at my car. “Thank you for the drink. I had a really nice time.”
He rewards me with his smile. “You’re welcome. I had a nice time too.” I look at him and see something changing in his eyes. Uncertainty maybe? I can’t tell. “I’d like to see you again. Are you busy tomorrow night? Let me take you to dinner.”
It’s been over two years since I’ve been with a man. A date, a kiss, sex, nothing in over two years. I know most people would think that this is a terrible thing but I want it this way. I know the hefty price to be paid for opening yourself up to a man. I have never seen it work out, not for anyone around me. Well, with the exception of my mom and dad. Before she died, they had been happy. She was the love of his life and he was hers. It was a great way to grow up, the picture perfect family. A mother and father, who were in love, two kids and a white, picket fence. I should be a believer in the possibilities of love. I had been at one time but I learned from experience that love isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. I know what I have to do. As much as I want to see Victor again, I know that I have to say no.
“I’d love to have dinner with you.” The words are out of my mouth before I even realize that I’ve said them. I want to kick myself for accepting but I know I can’t take it back without sounding like a complete bitch. Internally, I’m on the verge of a panic attack but I tell myself that it’s just one more date.