Translation of Love - By Alice Montalvo-Tribue Page 0,23
Victor all about my week at work, explaining in detail what I do, my responsibilities and my work schedule. I talk to him about my house, how it was abandoned and in shambles, how it was a labor of love for me to fix it up. I’m careful to give him only pieces of my life, the ones that are free of demons, my constant insomnia and soul crushing memories.
Victor describes his apartment in New York. He likes the convenience of being centrally located but he doesn’t feel at home there. He tells me about the progress he’s made in the recording studio over the last few days. He tells me more about his mother and brother and how close they are. When he’s done talking, I feel like I’ve made a real connection to him. He has many sides but he’s not ashamed or afraid to share any of them. I’ve known that with every passing hour I’ve spent with him, the questions were coming. Questions that I have no desire to entertain or to answer, because those answers will lead to those pieces of my life that I’m so adamant to bury. I know those questions are coming but it still surprises me when he asks.
“When was your last real relationship, Ellie?” It’s not a bad or difficult question to answer, but that one question opens the door to a whole stream of more uncomfortable questions. I take a minute and decide to answer him truthfully.
“Uh, a little over two years.”
“Did you love him?”
I can feel the heat taking hold of me. I know that if I don’t put an end to this, I may actually have a panic attack this time. I can feel the walls around me coming up, my defenses intact. I wonder if he can see the shift in my attitude now. It’s normally imperceptible to anyone but me, but I know he has a way of seeing through me at times. “Ugh, I don’t wanna talk about him. I’m sorry, it’s just that he was a douchebag and I’d rather not even think about him at all.” That’s about as honest as I can be without telling him to mind his own business.
He’s staring at me, his eyes give nothing away. He gives me a barely there smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes, which lets me know that he’s questioning my apprehension but I know he’s not gonna push it any further. “Of course. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.” I can sense the change in his tone but I’m not sure what it is. Disappointment maybe, because he’s such an open book and I’m like a diary with a lock that only I hold the key to.
I know I have no right to ask but I do anyway. “What about you? When was your last relationship?”
He doesn’t flinch. “A little over a year ago. I was on tour and gone all the time. Her job didn’t allow her to travel with me at all and the time apart put too much of a strain on the relationship. She wanted to be my first priority at a time when it was just not possible.”
“That’s kind of sad,” I say because it is.
“I don’t know. I think it just wasn’t meant to be. If we had been right for each other, we would have made it work.”
“Even so, it has to be rough with your career to have a steady relationship.” I’m digging now, trying to get some insight on what it would be like to be a permanent fixture in his life. I regret the comment as soon as it leaves my mouth. I have no right to bring it up because I’m not capable of thinking of myself as a permanent anything to him.
He looks thoughtful. He wants to say something but is afraid of how I’ll react to it. “You know I like you right? I wanna see where this can go between us and I’m okay with taking things as slow as you need them to go. But I would hate for my career to scare you off before you give me a chance. Things are a lot less hectic for me than they were a year ago, Ellie. Back then, I was on a world tour. My life was like a circus. It’s nothing like that now. I’m recording my album and that’s my primary focus. I do that mostly in the evenings and