Translation of Love - By Alice Montalvo-Tribue Page 0,16
dinner?”
“Okay,” I respond without hesitation and then, since I’ve already lost my mind, I do the unthinkable. I tighten my grip around his neck and I kiss him goodbye. Victor leaves and I feel like a hurricane has just swept through my living room, leaving an aftermath of confusion and panic. I’m in serious trouble. I realize that I need reinforcements. I pick up my phone and send a text message to Jordan.
You busy?
No. Why? Are you ok?
I need you. Can you come over?
Be there in 20 minutes.
Jordan and I are sitting on my couch and I’ve just finished telling her everything that has happened since I met Victor on Friday. She’s staring at me with her eyes practically bugging out of the sockets and her mouth wide open. She holds up the newspaper article I’ve just shown her as if she’s presenting it for show and tell.
“He’s a rockstar! Not only is he a rockstar, he’s a frickin’ hot rockstar! What’s the problem?”
“The problem is, I don’t want to lead him on. I’m not ready to be in a relationship.”
“How much more time do you need, Elle? It’s been two years!”
“That’s not fair.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just saying he’s gorgeous and he’s clearly into you. How do you feel about him?”
“Okay, if I’m being one hundred percent honest with myself, I like him. I haven’t felt like this about anyone in a long time.”
“That’s great!”
“No, it’s not! I don’t want to lose myself again. If I let him in, if I let him get close, then I’m opening myself up to…”
“To getting hurt?”
I nod. “He’s already lied to me about something huge.”
“Come on, Elle. Cut the guy a break. It must be strange to be who he is and try to date. Can you blame him for trying to protect himself?”
I squint my eyes so that I can glare at her. “I hate you!”
“You don’t. You just hate when I’m right. Go to dinner with him, take it one day at a time, but whatever you do, don’t shut the door on getting to know someone you like.”
By the time Jordan leaves, I’m more confused than ever. After the disaster that was my relationship with Brian, I made a promise to myself not to go down that road again, even if it meant I’d be alone forever. I was at peace with that decision. I had trained myself to believe that I could have a fulfilling life without any emotional involvement. Now, I’m not so sure if that’s true. The desire for something more has gotten a hold on me and, try as I might, I just can’t seem to shake it off. I’m not even sure if I really want to.
I’m tying myself in knots over someone that I met two days ago. Someone I’ve spent all of five or six hours with. But if I shut out my fears, everything inside of myself is telling me that there’s something different about him. There’s something that’s worth knowing. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least I can say that I tried. Right? Isn’t that what I told Jordan to do about Mark? I told her to try, so why can’t I allow myself to do the same thing? Maybe I can follow her advice and just take it one day at a time. See where it goes. I can still keep my defenses up, protect myself from getting hurt again. I can do that without giving up control of myself or jeopardizing the life I’ve built. Regardless of the risk, I have to try.
I decide that casual attire is best for tonight’s dinner since I’m not sure where we’re going but I know that most places around here are anything but fancy. I opt for a pale yellow, eyelet halter top, with a nude-colored sweater, faded blue jeans and nude wedges. It’s simple yet feminine and it makes me feel pretty.
As I wait for seven o’clock to roll around, I try to calm my anxiety by reading a book but I’m sure that I’ve been eyeing the same page for about twenty minutes. I jump as I hear a knock on the front door. I pull myself together, grab my purse and answer the door.
“Hi.”
“Hey,” Victor says as he pulls something from behind his back. He smiles at me and hands me an enormous bouquet of flowers. “These are for you. My way of saying I’m sorry for not telling you about myself sooner.”