“Any chance you can nurse him?” Damon rubbed the baby’s little head and put a finger against his pale-pink lips. Josh made a fumbly attempt to suck on it.
“Oh, yeah, sure.” Lori wrinkled her nose. “Touching his face makes me freak out, so let’s stick my naked tit in his mouth.” She glanced up. “Anyhow, I don’t need an audience while I try.”
“Your naked tits mean nothing to me,” Nick said.
Brian tugged at his arm, glad of a chance to back away. “We’ll be, um, out there.” He waved toward the living room. “Close. If you need us.”
Charlie said, “You want me to stay or go, Lori?”
“Go on.” Her voice was softer, talking to Charlie. “Damon and Doc can help me figure this out.”
“Okay.” Charlie pulled Nick and Brian with him out the door.
The air in the hallway was cleaner. Or less thin, anyway. As soon as they’d left the room, Brian took a few good, long breaths.
“That was weird.” Nick led the way to the couch. “I kind of expected weird, but not like that.”
Brian sat down hard, wincing as he heard Lori cry out behind him. Damon and Zander will take care of her, and the baby. He sat on the edge of the couch, waiting, every muscle tense, but the next sounds from Lori’s room were softer and less painful. Gradually he relaxed.
Nick put an arm around him. “Josh looks like Lori, don’t you think?”
Or like me? He tried to pull himself together. “Yeah. He does.”
“You don’t have that trance thing going when you’re around Lori or Damon. Do you think it’s because he’s new to you? Will it go away?”
“How would I know?” It was a relief to snap at Nick. “I’ve never done that before, so how can I tell if it’ll ever stop?” The idea dropped into him like a heavy stone. “What if it doesn’t change? What if I can’t be around him without turning into a stupid statue?” Does the way I react mean he’s definitely mine? What if I can’t be around my own kid? His muscles tightened to quivering jitters. What’s real? Am I trying to have an excuse not to be around him?
Nick squeezed him and let go. “I guess we’ll find out.”
Brian grabbed his abandoned Coke and gulped some, then coughed, surprised by the fizz. He’d expected it to have gone flat in all the hours had passed, but of course it’d been only minutes. Not hours. For everything to change. He might be mine. Josh. My son. The idea couldn’t seem to get traction on the surface of his mind. “Son” was something he’d never expected. He didn’t sleep with women, and who’d ever give him a kid to raise? He was never going to be a dad. But now?
“God damn Marston!” he spat out. “Motherfucking bastard man.” The words sat foul in his mouth, and he washed them away with the metallic tang of the Coke. Girl-fucking. Lori had been so young when they got married. Should he have tried to force his way up out of Bry back then, to speak up and stop her? But she’d never have listened anyway, and Damon was on her side.
The baby cried briefly in that back bedroom, then quieted. Josh. Joshie? That was a real little person back there, however he’d been made. “I hope I don’t go stupid around him forever.”
“Maybe if you keep that Finder eye thing tightly closed?” Charlie suggested.
“I’ll try.”
They sat in a tense silence, drinking pop and pretending not to be listening to the varied sounds from the back. After about twenty minutes, Damon came out from the hallway. “Well, she’s not going to nurse him. Not now, anyway. I put a breast pump and some formula in that kit for Zander. The kid’s had a bit of a bottle and he’s sleeping.”
“He’s okay?” Brian asked. “He doesn’t have to nurse?”
“He’ll be fine. Lots of kids are bottle-fed and turn out great. You were.” Damon gave him a dark look up and down. “It didn’t stunt your growth, at least.”
Charlie said, “Can she touch him? At all?”
“Not yet. Good thing I included several boxes of gloves. I hope it’ll ease off.” Damon looked at Brian. “When you two were born, I spent so much time beside the crib Mom thought I was nuts, because I could feel every little empty stomach cramp and colic pain. I learned to ignore the small stuff and it faded. I bet it will for