Brian stopped at the patio doors, staring out at the snow starting to stick on the ground. Luger bumped his thigh with a furry shoulder, then sat down beside him, peering into the dark.
Nick paused at Brian’s elbow. “I didn’t want you to worry.”
Brian snorted into his mug and didn’t give that the dignity of an answer.
“If you want me to stop, I’ll stop.”
That made Brian pivot to face him. “Stop?”
“Trying to get close to Reggie. It might not work anyhow. It’s a long shot. I didn’t want to make you more anxious right now—”
“Did I say that? Did I say that was the problem?” Brian heard his voice crack. “I know who you are, Nok Nick. I didn’t ask you to turn into a marshmallow for me. All I want is to actually be told what you’re up to. Like an adult. An equal. Not—” His throat closed on whatever word would come next.
“Ah, hell.” Nick set his mug on the floor and gripped Brian’s arms. “I’m sorry. Okay? I’m an idiot.”
Brian didn’t answer him. Couldn’t.
After a moment, Nick added, “This is my best New Year’s Eve ever.”
“Fighting with me?”
“Being with you. Even with the fighting.” Nick kept looking in his eyes, like he was trying to beam in some kind of truth.
Or some kind of bullshit, Brian told himself, but he didn’t quite believe that.
Nick said, “I never had anyone in my life to look at, at midnight, and hope like hell they’d be with me the next year. And the next.”
“Me either.” Which is why not being trusted hurts.
“Plus every New Year’s, it sucked wondering where Ari was, if she’d made it through the year, if she was suffering somewhere. This year I know she’s fine, thanks to you.”
Brian didn’t figure he could take too much credit for that. Finding was just his freaky talent, and Ari made her own life. But he didn’t resist as Nick took the mug from his hand, setting it aside.
“Here’s the deal. I want to do this undercover thing— if I can get Reggie to let me into the Neighborhood Watch group. I need your help, because I figure the gay has to go back in the closet for that, if we can.”
“But as soon as he asks around, someone will tell him.”
“Maybe not. Not many folks here know. But if they do, I’m gonna use it. I’ll beg them to keep it quiet. Tell them I’m job hunting and I’ll never get hired if people find out. Grovel. Make them think I’m their bitch.”
“You’re nuts!” He stared at his crazy boyfriend. “They’ll shoot you and drop you in a river somewhere.”
“No deep rivers in this county.”
“In a ditch then. Nick! Seriously!”
“It’s a gamble, but I get this vibe from Reggie, like he’s a controller, not a killer. Like he gets his kicks out of making people dance to his tune. The way he treats the guys in his store and on the range. Master manipulator. I think he’d get a kick out of owning me.”
Brian could only shake his head.
“I promise, if it smells like it’s going south, I’ll get out of there.”
“Hah.” He had a thought. “Take Charlie in with you.”
“What?”
“He looks straight, he’s living with a woman. He’s an ex-cop. He’ll watch your back.”
“I’m not dragging Charlie into this!”
“Because it’s not safe enough.”
“Of course it’s not.”
“Are you gonna tell Charlie that?”
He could see Nick run that conversation through his mind, and flinch. “I’m not telling Charlie anything.”
“He’s bored too, you know. He’s playing house with Lori, waiting for the baby, but he’s not feeling useful.”
“I—”
“He did great on the boat.”
“I can’t invite someone to join a group I’m not even in.”
“Just promise me, if they do start letting you in, you’ll say something about how you know this other useful guy. Tell Charlie everything now, so he can be on your side. I’m useless for this stuff. Promise you’ll take Charlie?”
“Fuck. All right, I’ll try.” Nick sighed and raised a hand to Brian’s jaw, rasping a fingertip over his stubble. “But you’re not useless. Far from.”
Brian tilted his cheek into the touch. The snow flicked against the patio door, blowing out of the midnight dark.
Let it all go. Whatever craziness Nick was up to, tonight was the first New Year’s Eve of the rest of Brian’s life. For the first time, he had someone who wanted to kiss him. For the first time, he wouldn’t be saying things like “Champagne is great. I