But first, I wanted to deal with my history. Deal with what had made me me.
If I remembered correctly, there was a whole encampment down by the churches. Lots of folk who lived there, some in caravans, some in homes.
I hadn’t experienced that as much as my fellow Roma, because Papa had always had us traveling around the country for his work, but I remembered it from my time with my nanny.
In the near distance, I saw the sun gleaming off the rows of mobile homes, and the dust rising from them, merging with the wind, created a peculiar kind of illusion.
Blanche Settlement was a strange little town. Over twenty thousand Romany lived here, some Romanichal like me, some Vlox—Catholics at heart. They were the biggest minority in this area, and had made their place here for a hundred years. Half the cemetery was filled with Romany, I remembered that much from days with Nanny.
We were interested in the dead as much as we were with the living. I could easily recall her talking about my parents like they were in another room, not the afterlife. It was as simple as her demanding my mother give her strength if I was tiring, or going so far as to ask my papa why he wasn’t there to fix something that was broken.
My lips twitched at the memory.
It was weird being back here, being around the places I remembered. Like the chapel over there for the Romanichals, the white clapboard looking a bit worse for wear, especially in comparison to the church directly opposite for the Vlox. With its high turret, and walls so bright a white it made my eyes ache. The churches were like the gateway to my world.
The roads were cracked, the pavement shoddy. Running along the streets were downtrodden trees that hung limply in the cold, and dust motes danced around me as I began to stroll toward an area that had once been home.
Once upon a time, I’d have brought Adam with me. He was on the same team as me, had come to Fort Worth too, but we were like strangers now. Strangers who barely even looked at one another.
In two years, I’d maybe said a handful of words to him. I’d endured two painful Thanksgivings, seeing Maria draped all over him, mostly ignoring her kid as she fawned at his side. I figured she was trying to make me jealous.
It worked.
Christmas was no better, but it was cute seeing Freddie open the gifts Anna showered on him. I’d never seen anything like it the first Christmas after Freddie had been born.
I’d gone downstairs, entered the living room where the Christmas tree had only been put up the night before, and had found something out of a movie.
The kid was two months old and had more presents in one day than I’d had in a lifetime of holidays.
The floor had been full of boxes and gift bags, and Maria had loved it. Which had made Anna smile.
Freddie and Maria were the only people capable of that.
To be fair, I didn’t smile that much anymore either. Especially not around Adam.
Hunching my shoulders against thoughts of him, thoughts that often invaded my mind and drew me into a quagmire of misery that could take days to overcome.
I didn’t have time for that.
Hell, nobody had time for that. To be constantly depressed?
Yeah, that was good for no one, and to be honest, it was one of the reasons why I was here.
I needed to see my mother’s past, needed to understand if anyone knew why she’d done what she’d done.
Maybe no one would talk to me. Nanny had been pretty damn insistent that we were both outcasts because of Momma’s sin, but I was hoping someone would be able to explain it to me.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride...
That was one of Nanny’s favorite sayings.
Blowing out a breath, I lifted the zipper on my hoodie which hit beneath my chin as I lifted the hood to cover my ears as the faint nip in the air made itself known to me.
The taxi had dropped me off in the wrong place, but I’d only realized that when I’d started walking around.
It was a nice town, and it filled me with pride that even though my people might not have had the best rep, we sure looked after our homes.
Maybe this wasn’t the subdivision I lived in at the moment, maybe there