I felt like I was one big vat of overcooked pasta too.
In fact, I felt like I was burnt pasta.
My life was one big destroyed pan of lasagna. Depressed? Understatement.
I was lost. Adrift. Maybe above the surface, I looked normal, if a little wan, but deep inside, I felt like I’d been hit with a depth charge. Coming back from this was impossible, and suddenly, Momma’s depression after my papa’s death made sense. It resonated with me, because love? Hurt.
God, it did.
It hurt so badly, and when it went wrong, it tainted everything.
I closed my eyes at the thought, trying not to puke as my misery overtook me. I knew if someone understood, ironically enough, it was Adam’s mom. I’d met with Anna the following day after Robert had stopped by to inform me of my change of circumstance, and she’d barely said a word through her tears and horror-filled haze.
I wasn’t sure if she hated me or if she hated herself, but she’d spent most of the visit staring at her hands.
Yeah, that had been awkward.
And now I was expected to live with her. To live with Robert.
And Adam.
Would Maria move in with him?
They were going to be married—
My mind clutched at that, and I found myself still as taken aback by the news that Adam was marrying someone else and hadn’t told me himself.
I hadn’t seen him, not since my first day of school when things had been so different. How had our worlds changed so rapidly? How had everything turned upside down, when we’d been going nowhere but up?
God, I hated Cain. He’d ruined my life, and nobody would ever understand how. It had nothing to do with the goddamn attempted drowning, and everything to do with how Adam was suddenly no longer mine.
How was I supposed to deal with that?
My momma had killed herself, because the pain of losing my papa was that bad. How was I supposed to live in a world where my one, my jílo, didn’t belong to me, but to another? A woman who’d set out to hurt me as much as Cain had.
I reached up and rubbed my eyes. Any fatigue from the incident had passed now, and I was only exhausted because I lay awake at night wondering if this was all a fucking dream.
A bad one.
It wasn’t.
I knew that though.
Adam would have visited me if it wasn’t a nightmare. He’d have come to me and held me, he’d have made things better.
A shaky breath escaped me, and Linden asked, “Miss, are you okay?”
“No. I’m not,” I muttered.
“We’re almost there,” he replied worriedly. “My wife’s the family housekeeper, and she’s prepared your room for you so you can rest the second we arrive.
“Mr. and Mrs. Ramsden are out, so it’s down to me and Janice, my wife, to greet you.”
Well, there was some relief to be found there. Robert, I had a feeling, I’d get on with. Anna was another matter entirely. Something about her set me on edge. The way she was upset—it just didn’t sit well with me.
Robert was ashamed of his son and what he’d done. Anna wasn’t ashamed of Cain. I knew that much. She was upset he’d been caught—and there was the difference. Whether it was because it looked bad on her or because he was going to be punished, that I couldn’t discern.
Not yet, anyway. Time would tell.
“Where’s Adam?” I inquired, and his name on my tongue was painful.
Bittersweet.
A flavor I was getting used to tasting.
“Why, he’s with his wife.”
They were married? Already?
Christ, was I about to have a panic attack?
How was that even possible?
I stared at the back of Linden’s head, my eyes wide with shock, and whispered, “They married already?”
“Yes, miss. While you were in the hospital.” Then he tutted, and in the back of my mind, I registered his disapproval, but the forefront was having enough problems dealing with what I was hearing, never mind anything else. “They’ll be living with her parents from now on.”
My eyes widened further. It would have hurt to see them together, but I’d have at least seen Adam. I’d have been able to get him to explain what the fuck was going on.
Now?
A tremor rushed through me, and I bit off, “Stop the car.”
“Miss? Why?”
“Stop the car!” I commanded. “I’m going to be sick.”
It was inconvenient timing. We were on a busy highway, but Linden swerved to the side of the road, and even though a hail of honks and beeps joined us as we