nothing else could, uniting us like nothing else could.
I’d never felt a link like it. Never known a bond that could cut so deep and hurt so bad while making me feel more alive than I ever felt when I was in the water.
He could heat me up, burn me, and I’d let him. I’d allow this sweet, sweet pain for this union I only ever felt with him.
When I stepped down, I shook hands with a girl from Germany and another from Spain, then I headed back toward the locker room where I grabbed my bag after I shot the shit with a few younger kids from my team who were about to dive into the pool for their first Olympic swim.
I did so knowing the Ramsdens wouldn’t have made it out in time, so I killed a few minutes, only leaving when I figured they’d be outside waiting on me.
And they were.
Anna encompassed me in a hug that felt genuine—she was good at that. I’d started off as a commodity. A PR stunt that hadn’t worked out. But I thought, now, there was affection from her since I’d made her proud. I’d surpassed the potential I’d promised at a young age. I was an investment that had made good. But that’s all I was.
And I knew it.
Robert, I was easier with. Maybe because Adam looked like him. Maybe because he was cooler, calmer, and I responded to that. There’d been no gain for him to invite me into his house, into his family. He was a businessman in no need of PR stunts, his wife was the politician in need of a charity case to proffer to the masses, one to prove that she was a good person, a good mother—even if circumstances made her look like a shitty one—worthy of the public’s vote.
So, when Robert embraced me, and in my ear, whispered, “Good going, kiddo,” I heard his pride and smiled at him when I pulled back after gifting him with as much of a hug as I was capable of.
I was uneasy with affection, and that came from a childhood spent mostly in the system, but at times like these? It felt good to be excited.
Especially when it led to being embraced by Adam.
In the flesh, with no less than a foot of space between us, he was more beautiful than ever.
He had dark blue eyes that reminded me of the Atlantic, and they were contrasted so perfectly by his creamy golden skin. His jaw was hard, square, and at the moment, he had stubble that shadowed his chin and lower cheeks. His nose was pointed, I guess, and it led to a tight Cupid’s bow. His lips were soft, the upper generous, the bottom wide, and when he smiled, it made his entire face light up.
It felt like years had passed since I’d last seen him smile that way. Sure, he smiled at me now as he hugged me, but it wasn’t like the first smile I’d ever seen him give me when I was fifteen and he was sixteen.
As he squeezed me tightly, I closed my eyes, lost in the embrace. His golden hair touched my cheek. Like silk, it made shivers rush down my spine, and his body, hard from his own training, brushed against mine, making me wish for a million impossible things.
Impossible, because these intimate moments were all I allowed us to have, and because I was the one behind the restrictions, resentment turned things chilly between us.
He felt our connection. I knew he did. There was no escaping the link between us.
Even though I knew we were toxic together, I couldn’t evade my feelings. I tamped them down while he was around, then let them out the instant I was alone and could lick my wounds. The trouble was, the wound had long gone septic, and his poison was in my blood.
Adam’s smile had turned wooden after that hug, and he told me, “You rocked out there, Theodosia.”
My lips twisted as I pulled away. “You know I hate it when you call me that.”
Robert slapped me on the back. “It was good to hear it out there.”
I rolled my eyes. “It makes me sound like I’m ninety.”
“It’s a part of your culture. You should embrace it,” Anna chided.
It had been a long time since I’d been a part of my culture, but I didn’t bother to tell her that. She already knew.
I shrugged then, a touch awkwardly, and replied, “Thank