the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. I can’t help but meet his eyes and when I do, I find them filled with lust. So dark and wanting. My hand slips back down to his chest with my fingers splayed across the material of his soft grey suit. “What is this?”
He shakes his head before dropping his forehead softly against mine and finding my hand. His fingers lace through mine just as they were before we reached the dance floor and the butterflies in my stomach go nuts all over again.
“Don’t ruin this by putting labels on it,” he finally says. “All I know is that for some reason, I can’t stay away from you.”
My voice lowers to the softest whisper. “I don’t want you to.”
His intense gaze remains on mine, neither of us knowing where to go from here. I’m in unchartered territory and I’ve never felt so lost. Any move I make could have this all falling apart while at the same time, I’d be smart to stop this now.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” I murmur. “I’m ‘the help.’ I’m trash. Why suddenly change your mind?”
“Look at yourself, Jade,” he says, his voice thick with something I can’t quite put my finger on. “Do you look like trash? You may be the help but you’ve never been trash. You belong here with me.”
I shake my head though I have no way of knowing if it’s out of confusion or because I simply don’t agree. “I … I don’t know.”
His hand tightens on my waist. “What’s the deal with Rinaldi? Are you together?”
“No, we’re just …”
“That’s all I needed to know, Jade.”
This is dangerous for us both. His reputation might not withstand the rumors of getting together with the help, while my heart couldn’t handle the torture of people’s scrutiny. I can just imagine what they would say about me and it sounds a lot like the comments that fly through my mind every time I think of Jacqueline Vanderbilt. Though one thing is for sure, Colton has already publicly flaunted his desire to get something from me, and while one night with the help won’t hurt him, having a relationship with me would.
Disappointment flares through me and I push against his chest, pulling myself out of his arms. “We shouldn’t do this,” I tell him, feeling myself begin to break. “Even if it is just for tonight, it’s not going to end well for either of us.”
He steps into me, trying to capture me once again. “It’ll be fine,” he promises.
“I just … I can’t,” I say, stepping out of his reach. “I’m sorry, I need to think about this.”
I walk away before he has the chance to change my mind and I curse myself for being so stupid. I should be dancing in his arms and living my Cinderella fairy tale. I should be taking a risk, giving it my all and seeing where it gets me, but I can't because I know how hard it’s going to hurt when he changes his mind.
I wasn’t meant for this world, no matter what he thinks. It’s just a dress and a little makeup, apart from that, I’m still the girl from Breakers Flats, I’m still the girl who grew up surrounded by gang violence and living day to day not knowing if I was going to eat.
This world isn’t me and despite how sparkly and tempting it is, I can't let it claim me. It will chew me up and spit me out. It’ll destroy me.
Chapter 30
My shoulders slam into other guests as I try to navigate my way through the crowd. I still can’t believe how many people showed up here tonight, but that’s the least of my worries.
I somehow make it to the back door and I push out into the fresh air, taking a deep breath. I hadn’t realized how desperately I needed that.
I start making my way down to the gardens but after the rainfall we had during the week, the ground is soft and my heels quickly begin sinking into the grass. I turn and hightail it back to the mansion. I’m all about taking a stroll through the gardens on a fresh evening like tonight dressed like some kind of princess, but not at the risk of looking like an awkward baby duck trying to make its way through thick mud. I’ve already made a fool of myself too many times, I won't be doing it again.