The weight returns almost instantly. “Take a deep breath.”
I inhale sharply, but it’s like razor blades in my lungs. Her arms begin winding around me, slow and careful, testing. I don’t know what to do with the warmth of her chest against my back, the press of her cheek against my shoulder.
“Breathe with me,” she says, chest expanding and contracting against me.
My body falls into the same rhythm as she guides me through a full breath. When I truly feel like I can breathe again, I shudder an exhale, hanging my head to gaze down at her arms around me.
Softly, I ask, “Can I touch you?” and I feel her stiffen.
“Sebastian,” she says, voice low and strained. “Please don’t make me say no to you right now.”
I nod, head feeling heavy on my shoulders, and push back from the car. The loss of her warmth against my back is like a physical pang. “Thank you.”
She’s shifting from foot to foot, looking cagey. “Who is this ‘he’ you keep talking about, and what does he have to do with beating the shit out of Jasmine?”
My jaw clenches. I don’t want to tell Sugar about Heston. I don’t want her to even know he exists, like just having him in her head would be enough of a violation. I sure as hell don’t want him to know she exists, but there’s a shit-ton of damage I have to clear up if I want her to keep touching me like this.
“My brother, Heston,” I explain, kicking a screwdriver toward the back of the car. “He’s forcing me to race tonight.”
She shakes her head, looking away. “I have a hard time believing you, of all people, could be forced into doing anything. So how does that work, exactly?”
I make a long, winding gesture. “It’s this whole long, complicated family history that I don’t have time to go into now. Let’s just say I have absolutely no choice but to race. And win. If I don’t…” I look at her, willing her to understand. “If I don’t, then I’d be putting someone in danger.”
Concern furrows across her forehead. “Danger? Who?”
I take another deep breath. “Just… someone important to me. Family.”
A flicker of emotion sparks in her eyes, but she just nods. “Then I guess you have to do what you have to do.”
My head jerks back in surprise. “You won’t be mad that I’m racing when I promised not to? Or that I just fucking flipped out and almost hurt you again? Or that I’m clearly everything you said?”
“I’m not mad about anything right now.” She holds my gaze unflinchingly. “If you think that racing tonight is that important, then whatever. That’s your business. But …” Her eyes move to the car, forehead creasing. “That was some seriously out of control, batshit tantrum. It just… it just freaks me the fuck out. What the hell? Jasmine means everything to you.”
I look over at the damage, and shrug, voice flat. “It’s just a car.”
She gapes at me, wide-eyed. “Just a car? Bullshit. You put your own labor into it, Bass. Don’t act like this car means nothing to you. You were going to make me walk back to campus just for spilling a drink in it.” She shakes her head. “I don’t believe that. Not for one second.”
In the distance, engines rev, creating an echo against the cement building and flat parking lot. A voice carries, announcing the start of the races.
“I have to go,” I tell her, bending to gather the tools off the ground. “Do you want me to find you someone to catch a ride back with?”
Her head tilts, confusion evident in her frown. “What do you mean?”
I toss the tools in the trunk, feeling raw and tired. “Well, I figure the chances of you wanting to ride back with me are pretty slim, considering that I fucked up and—”
She steps forward and kisses me on the mouth. The feeling is instantaneous, a burst of warmth through my body. Sugar ends the kiss almost as soon as it starts, pulling back and swallowing anxiously.
I touch my lips. “What was that for?”
“Luck,” she says, burying her hands in her pockets. “I guess whatever’s going on with your brother can’t be solved tonight. But if you need to keep someone safe, then do it.” Her eyes are full of steel and the shadow of a secret, like we’re conspiring against something bigger than ourselves. “Always. You get me?”