“I have not yet stabbed myself to find out. But I suspect it does. Vela also said that she would give to me protection on this quest.”
So that Lizzan could protect him. That did not sit easy within Aerax, yet he was glad to know she wore that medallion. “When does the quest end?”
“On the day of the first snowfall, after a glorious battle.” She offered a wavering smile that faded as her gaze searched his. “Why do you go to the battle masters? You say there is nothing else to do, but you could find something to occupy you. Instead you make yourself into a warrior. Do you intend to kill your uncle?”
“Only if I must.” For if Aerax’s intentions were discovered, King Icaro and all the palace guard would try to kill him. “Would you stop me?”
Slowly she shook her head. “Whatever your purpose, I still know your heart. You have no wish to rule. And you despise Koth but wouldn’t stay there out of hate. Which means you stay to help someone you love.” She bit her lip. “Is it my family? Because I can think of no one else you care for.”
Her belief in him clogged his throat with emotion. Gruffly he said, “Some are your family.”
Her father. Her mother’s parents. But Aerax could not explain to her without adding more to the pain she already bore. This was his burden alone.
“Then I will not stop you. Instead I will thank you.” She caught his face in her hands. “Will your name be struck from the books again?”
“When I am done, there will be no books.”
Surprise flared through her gaze, followed by concern. “You will be reviled by all of Koth.”
A true villain. “I am used to it.”
As if that did not reassure her, she shook her head and her gaze filled with determination. “You must do something for me. On this journey, you must make friends among the southern alliance. True friends.”
A laugh shook through him. That was what he wanted for her.
“Listen to me, Aerax,” she urged fiercely. “I know you well. In your life, you have cared about very few people. You have loved even fewer—your mother, though she is gone. Caeb. Me. Is there anyone else?”
“Your family.”
“But you love them through me. After you met them, you liked them well enough—just as they liked you—but only a few times did you ever speak with them. You love them because they are a part of me. They have your loyalty because I am hurt if they are hurt. So you would always help them as you would me. Is that not true?”
Aerax could not say. He could not see a difference.
“No matter.” Her hands smoothed down to rest on his shoulders. “You said the girl Seri was much like me?”
“The Parsatheans are all much like you.”
“You enjoy their company?”
“I do.”
“Then I want you to see them as part of me, too. It will make me happy to know that when you are finished with your purpose in Koth, you’ll have somewhere to go and won’t be alone. Caeb is not enough.”
It would also make Aerax happy, for the alliance was exactly where he hoped she would be, too. Not so pleased by Lizzan’s speech, Caeb padded forward to butt his head against her shoulder.
She scoffed and flicked water at him. “Do not take offense, you fool. You are a fine friend. But Aerax would do well to have more human ones.”
The cat gave answer to that by flicking water back, though the size of his paw aimed a deluge at her head. Water dripping down her face, Lizzan leveled a dour stare at him until Caeb settled down again to lick the damp from his fur.
Ignored now by the cat, she looked to Aerax. “Your flea-bitten dustrag has no say in this.”
Grinning, he said, “So I’ll find friends on two legs instead of four. Should I also find a wife? Must she also have two legs instead of four?”
Her lips twitched, but solemnly she shook her head. “You must pine for me always.”
“I would.” Except her faith in Aerax gave him hope that he would never be a villain to her. To all of Koth, yes. But not to her. “But I think instead that I’ll find you, and see if you will learn to love me again.”
As if his words were knives, she made a wounded noise. Abruptly her eyes filled again and she threw her arms around