“I mean they’re”—she hesitated—“they’re with Luke now.”
“What?” Gabe’s rage lifted him, until he was bearing down on her from above.
“It was Adam,” she added in a rush. “Adam gave them Az. That’s what she said. I’m supposed to wait for her to call,” she said, swallowing thickly.
“Oh, fuck that,” Gabe seethed. “She expects us to just sit around and wait while they…” He didn’t finish the thought. “No. We have to do something. We have to find him.” He tried to hide the glimmer of maroon he knew flooded his eyes, the anger a quicksilver of colors that would be glistening like an oily sheen.
“How?” He could hear the desolation in her question, the acceptance. They’d lost him. Az is going to Fall. He caught the thought as it drifted through her mind. He’s going to Fall because of me. “I don’t know what to do,” she said, her voice breaking.
It’s over, he thought. His throat burned with confessions as he looked at her.
“Your eyes,” she said. “They’re yellow.”
He stepped toward her; for a second he was sure he was going to fall and held his arms out to her. Her hands were enough to steady him.
“There’s still time,” he said. “We just need a plan.”
CHAPTER 46
“She won’t help,” Eden repeated yet again. Gabe still hadn’t said anything, staring past her out the window of the subway door. They’d sat as close to the door as they could, Eden sandwiched against the bars that kept her on the bench, with Gabe beside her. The car was packed and stifling, bodies in every seat and filling every space. Eden pulled her leg in, twisting it away from the people, closer to Gabe.
If she hadn’t heard it from Libby’s lips she wouldn’t have believed it, would have died defending them, because of loyalty. If anyone had told her a week ago that this was a possibility, she would have laughed. Because of their loyalty to her.
All lies, she thought. The memory of Jarrod’s words on their walk slithered inside her. She felt like she needed to throw up; anything to get them out of her.
“Gabe,” she tried again. “I know her. She won’t help.”
“You know her,” he said. “Now.” He smiled at her as if everything should have been clear, and Eden wondered if maybe he’d lost it a little.
Eden shifted in her seat under his gaze. “Exactly,” she said. “If there’s no incentive for Kristen to get involved, she isn’t going to bother.”
Gabe sighed and went back to the window, his arm behind her on the back of the plastic bench.
“So we’re wasting our time,” Eden pressed. She was hoping he’d agree, tell her it was stupid and that they could get off the train at the next stop.
The air was toxic, cologne and perfume and office stink, not nearly enough oxygen. I’m going to suffocate in here, she thought again. She gulped in the stale air, trying to slow down her breathing. Her fingers wrapped a death grip around the steel pole. The train lurched and a hand slid over hers. It pulled away near instantly, but it was too late.
Touch slipped out, sending a shudder through her, a long moan humming from her lips. Days. Almost a week without taking a Sider but as soon as their fingers had connected, she felt the power of it, all that poison, all that Touch built up inside her. I can get rid of it, she found herself thinking. Here, now. I can just… Her fingers uncurled like spider legs, inching closer to skin, any skin.
Fingers twined into hers and she dropped her head back in anticipation, waiting for the release, clenching her teeth, the air that escaped screaming like a steam valve.
But it didn’t come. Someone had a tight hold of the hand in her lap now, too.
She looked down. Gabe had a vise grip on her hands, her fingers gone white. She tried to focus.
“Better?” he asked cautiously, as if she would lash out any second and tear through the car. She nodded slowly. “Sure?” he asked.
“I’m sorry,” she said automatically. He shook his head, releasing her hands. She rubbed them together, the fingertips still tingling and eager for more.
“I saw. Wasn’t your fault. But you need to save it for later.” He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer to him. She wasn’t sure if he wanted to give her some kind of comfort, or just wanted her further from the temptation.