I don’t want a race track. I want the gun. Me and Sander and Espen were going to have battles.’
‘But Jazzy . . .’ Lee felt crushed. Had she got it all wrong? Imposing her views over his wants? ‘We’ve talked about this.’ Jasper pushed the box away. He didn’t throw it, but that, too, was almost worse. ‘Why don’t we open another . . .?’ But there wasn’t another. She had wanted the ‘wow factor’ of one big present; she didn’t subscribe to the overt commercialization of giving dozens of gifts.
She wondered desperately how to rescue the situation, catching sight of the gift Gisele had brought with her. It was wrapped with snowman-printed paper and topped with a red velvet ribbon and bow. It never occurred to her to buy ribbons and bows. ‘Why don’t we open the one Gisele brought for you?’ she suggested.
Gisele handed it over with a nervous smile, and Jasper took it with big, sad eyes. ‘Um . . . Lee, I just happened to have this already for my nephew. He’s eight. I was planning on getting another when the shops reopen; I won’t be seeing them till they get back from skiing anyway. If I’d known—’ Gisele whispered to Lee as he began opening it.
‘I’m sure it’ll be fantastic.’
‘Well, the thing is, I—’
There was a shriek of joy. ‘A Nerf gun!’
Gisele looked back at Lee apologetically. It wasn’t as big and fancy as the one he’d wanted, but it was still a Nerf gun. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she grimaced. ‘If I’d known about the “no guns” thing . . .’
Lee gave her best attempt at a dismissive shrug. It wasn’t Gisele’s fault. She didn’t know what it was like to have a rifle pointed at her; she didn’t know what it was like to run from a spray of bullets. She didn’t know. That was why Cunningham loved her.
‘I should have thought it through.’
‘Of course not,’ Lee whispered back, forcing a smile. ‘How could you possibly have known? I’m just an overprotective mother with an irrational hatred of guns. Honestly, I’m glad you got it. He loves it. You’ve saved my bacon.’
Gisele regarded her, knowing her hatred of guns wasn’t irrational. ‘You know, Harry always says you are the bravest person he knows. He says you would keep snapping right until the last moment; whenever any of the men he’d worked with would have stopped and run, he said you’d stay there to get the shot.’
Lee was taken aback by the sudden compliment, the unexpected foray back into her past. ‘Hmm, it’s called insanity.’
‘No. He said you were so determined to show the world the real horror of what innocent people were going through, you’d risk your own life.’ She smiled, remembering something. ‘He said one time he had to rugby-tackle you out of the way of a tank?’
Lee remembered the moment instantly. Kabul, 2012.
Gisele shook her head in wonderment. ‘You just look so . . . normal. And yet you’ve done these incredible things.’
Lee turned away, wanting neither the compliments nor the reminders. ‘Well, I was young, impetuous. I had all these high ideals. I wouldn’t do them now.’
‘Because of Jasper?’
Lee nodded. ‘He needs me to stay safe for him.’
Gisele looked down, cradling her bump. ‘Yeah. We said that to this one’s papa too.’ She looked up with sad eyes.
‘He’ll be back. He loves you.’
‘Yeah – but does he love us enough? I thought we were his reason to stay.’
Lee swallowed, her face hot as she felt a rush of guilt. This wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t his reason to go. She’d never asked him to go. She would have told him not to if . . . if she’d just heard him out, just opened the goddam door.
All she’d had to do was open the door.
She got up from the sofa with a tight smile. ‘I’ll just check on the salmon. I think we must be nearly ready to eat.’
Chapter Fourteen
‘Good morning!’ Bart said, swivelling round in his chair as Lee strode in. ‘Have we recovered?’
‘I don’t know, have we?’ she replied tartly, swinging her bag over her head and dangling it over her chair. She unbuttoned her coat, finding it surprisingly hard to meet his eyes. She had never let her guard down at work before and she hated that her assistant had unequivocally and absolutely seen her kissing Matt Hofhuis, his suspicions about them confirmed. She was never going to hear the end of it.