Thunder (Hell's Handlers MC #10) - Lilly Atlas Page 0,84
say no…if you get where I’m going with this.”
Shell scooted her chair closer then wrapped an arm around Mak’s shoulders. “Take your time.”
“Thank you. I hated being with him…uh, you know.”
“You hated having sex with him,” Cassie said. “Pretty sure anyone would feel the same way, sweetie.”
“Right. Since my siblings and I left, I’ve been extremely independent. A complete one-eighty from how I grew up. It’s the most important thing to me. Having control over my life, never living under anyone’s thumb again. Choosing for myself.”
They all laughed. Tension dissipated, and Mak was able to nod. “Right. It was good…really, really good.”
“I can imagine,” Cassie said, making Shell hoot with laughter.
“You dirty girl,” Shell said to Cassie, who just winked.
Mak smiled. The banter went a long way toward making this admission easier. “Okay, so it was good, but I couldn’t…finish. It just wasn’t happening, no matter how incredible it felt. No matter how hard I concentrated. And then Thunder…” Oh, God, she couldn’t say it.
“Hey, whatever it is, it’s okay. If you both consent, anything is fair game,” Shell said.
“Um, he put his hand around my throat. Not enough to choke me,” she rushed on, lifting a hand to her neck. Last thing she wanted was to make them think he hurt her in any way.
But both women just nodded. “Hot, right?” Cassie asked, making Mak’s jaw drop.
“Honey, Viper and I weren’t vanilla. We liked to have fun.”
“Ugh,” Shell said with a laugh. “You’re like a second mom. TMI, woman.”
“Liked it is an understatement,” Mak mumbled. When her friends giggled, she continued, “It’s kinda freaking me out. I mean, I should have panicked. I should have pushed him away, smacked him, anything but…”
“Freakin’ love it?” Shell asked with a half-smile.
“Right.”
“It makes perfect sense to me,” Cassie said, which had Mak and Shell turning her way. She shrugged as though the maddening puzzle baffling Mak for hours was the simplest thing to solve. “No one would mistake Thunder for an overbearing, controlling asshole, right?”
“Oh yeah, he’s not like that at all. The man is super chill,” Shell said while Mak nodded.
“And, you trust him,” Cassie added.
Well, she did, but… “Okay…”
“Why couldn’t you come last night?”
Ugh, could her face get any hotter? Why the hell did Cassie have to be so blunt?
Because you’re all adults and friends.
“I don’t know. I was trying to but—”
“Exactly!” Cassie said, slapping her hand on the table as though Mak had just made her point. Even Shell nodded along now.
“I don’t get it.”
“You were trying too hard.” Shell grabbed another cookie. “I’m gonna gain ninety pounds this pregnancy, and it’s all your fault, Cas. Anyway, you couldn’t shut your brain off. You probably have a million things pinging around in there at all times. Having an orgasm just became one more thing for you to stress about.”
Without thought, Mak reached for a cookie as well. “Okay, yes, that makes sense, but what does it have to do with me liking…the thing.”
“You didn’t just like it,” Shell said before biting her cookie. She smirked, crumbs and all. “You needed it to get off. You consented, but Thunder took control, which actually gave you some control. You trusted him to stop if you asked, and I guarantee he would have. Even though you could still breathe, the threat of not being able to—and I say threat lightly—took away your stress. Since you were no longer driving the bus, your mind let go, and your body followed straight into orgasmic goodness.”
“Hmm.” She sat back, nibbling on the delicious cookie as she processed. It made sense. The moment his hand had closed around her throat, all her concerns disappeared. She was able to be present in the moment because she had nothing to worry about. Thunder had her.
She’d trusted him, and he’d given her something she hadn’t known she’d needed. An outlet. A safe place to fly with someone to watch over her, protect her, and take the reins while she did so.
The sound of the front door opening saved her from having to respond further.
“Daddy!” Beth screamed before the thumping of little footsteps pounded across the wood floor.
“There’s my big girl,” Copper’s voice boomed into the house. “Where’s my really big girl?”
“Hey, I heard that,” Shell called out with a laugh as she rubbed her growing baby bump. “We’re in the kitchen.”