that risk, and I will. You don’t—well, I guess you do understand what they went through,” he says to Ruby. “After seeing all of it, you don’t think I’d want to be there for them on the other side of this? Help them ease back into the world?”
She looks a little sick at that, but nods all the same. “We would appreciate any help—you wouldn’t have to come with us, not if you don’t feel up to it.”
“What if it’s the same facility they kept you in before?” Sam presses. “It could be overwhelming—”
“The difference is, this time I’m myself again,” Lucas says softly. “If the Trainers are gone, it won’t be so bad. I lived there for almost as long as I lived in this house.”
“No,” Sam says sharply, “you shouldn’t have to live through all of that—you shouldn’t have to see it again—”
He reaches over, locking his hand over hers, weaving their fingers together. She quiets, but the panic in her face is as obvious as my own heart thundering in my ears. This is too much. He shouldn’t have to.
“What can’t I face, knowing that in the end, we made it?” Lucas turns back to Ruby, tapping his temple. “Think you can stand poking around in that many minds? It seems like it would be like picking up a thousand splinters of glass.”
She seems surprised by this, as do the others, even Liam. I wonder if they haven’t understood this one key element—facet—of her abilities. That, as powerful as she is, Ruby still is burdened by thoughts and memories and images that don’t belong to her. She relives other people’s nightmares every time she does this.
“We’ll go through it together,” she tells him. “And it won’t be so bad. Are you sure?”
“Won’t he relapse?” Charlie asks. “Go back to his earlier state? No offense, but there is such a thing as post-traumatic stress disorder.”
Everything in me grinds to a halt. It never even occurred to me that he could go back to the way he was, now that he has come through.
Lucas shrugs. “No offense taken.”
Ruby takes a moment to consider this before meeting Lucas’s worried gaze. “No, but you have to face any memories of the training head-on. No matter how much they hurt, you can’t pull back from them again.”
We can all see the scars on his neck, his arms, some still knitting themselves back together. And even I wonder if he’s ready for this—if he’ll ever really be. The thing about Lucas is, he’s never had the kind of obvious, outward strength that all the stories prescribe—the kind that comes to easily to Sam. His touch in life has always been softer. It is a quiet determination, one that wants to believe in the good of things, even as the bad is breathing down his neck. He sets his jaw and nods.
“Can you fill me in on what’s happened, though?” he asks. Lucas’s right hand jerks. He clasps the wrist hard with his left hand, stilling it. “Is Gray still alive?”
“As far as we know,” Liam says. “He’s in hiding. Why?”
“The Reds…we were made to understand from the beginning that it was his program, that we were serving him directly. I just…want to make sure that they’re far away from him.”
“Shit,” Vida says. “I didn’t even think about that. He could just as easily use that compound as a place to gather up a resistance force, give the peacekeepers a real fight.”
I see my own dread reflected on everyone’s face, even Ruby’s.
But then Chubs says, “Let’s operate under the assumption of hope that he’s smart enough to know he’s been beat. I have to imagine his number one priority at this point is not getting caught. He’s probably halfway around the world, hiding in some cave.”
Operate under the assumption of hope. What a novel idea.
Vida looks at the time on her cell phone, then holds it up for us to read. Eleven o’clock. If it really is a forty-five minute drive to Salem, we’re cutting it close. “If we’re going to do this, we need to jet back over to Ruby’s.”
“Drop us off,” Liam says. “You and Chubs have to go back to D.C. to check in with Cate and Zu and Nico and let them know what’s going on.”
“We’ll wait until you get there to deal with Cruz.” Vida looks over at Lucas. “Would you be willing to make a video we can show her?”