Of Thorn and Thread (Daughters of Eville #4) - Chanda Hahn Page 0,55

Hayes. Devin had moved to the edge of camp and was watching the perimeter, having relieved the guard on duty. I leaned my head against the rough bark of the tree, looked up through the canopy at the stars beyond, and prayed that I could overcome this. I laid back and covered myself with my cloak.

You’re the worthless sister.

No one can ever love you.

Even Liam can’t stand to be near you.

The pack dug into my shoulder as the whispered voices haunted my mind. My mouth was dry, my tongue swollen, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the drugs.

“Stop it,” I whispered loudly to myself. My cloak muffled my voice.

I dug in my pack for a leather belt strap, placed it between my teeth and bit down, muffling my cries. Time came and went. My tears flowed and dried over and over, coating my cheeks and eyes with crystal salt deposits.

The hallucinations were the worst.

I was back in the brothel with Madam Esme one minute, with strange men gathering around me, calling me names. The next, I was in Nihill, trapped in an alley surrounded by Clive, Tobias and Armon. Another one, I was in the ship’s hold as it was sinking, and Meri’s rage waged an oceanic war on us. The water filled the cabin and covered my mouth. I couldn’t breathe. A silver dagger slipped from my fingers and disappeared into the bottom of the boat as I drowned in the depths of the sea—forgotten.

With a gasp, I sat up. My clothes were soaked with sweat, my fingers were thin, and my body was sore and ragged, like I had hiked up a mountain and then clumsily fell down the other side. My head pounded, and I rose to my feet, and then stumbled, my muscles weak.

My belt had serious teeth marks embedded in the leather, and it lay discarded on the ground next to me. The men were up and ready for the morning, and I felt like mush—with a constant buzz in my ear. I tried to ignore it, shaking my head and swatting at the air, hoping it would dissipate.

“Here.” Devin handed me a tin cup full of dark liquid.

I wrinkled my nose at the bitter smell. “What is it?”

“It will take care of aftereffects of the withdrawal.” He pointed to my head.

“I thought I was hiding it well,” I said shamefully. Heat rose to my cheeks.

“You did. It was a valiant effort and would have fooled most people.”

“But not you.”

“I had a friend addicted to various substances. I know the signs and what to look for. This helped him until it couldn’t anymore.” His smile was forced.

“I’m sorry about your friend.” I shuffled the cup in my hands, knowing that Devin was hiding his pain.

“It’s okay. But this will stop any cravings or withdrawals in its tracks.”

Relieved, I took a large swig of the cup’s content.

“No, not that much,” Devin warned too late.

I choked and coughed. I handed the cup back to him and felt the drink burn through my throat and sinuses. My eyes watered, and I wanted to sneeze. “Take it away! What poison is that?”

“It’s a home brew. Guaranteed to put hair on your chest and get you feeling like yourself again.”

The second round was a mix of me coughing and laughing. “I could do without the first part.”

“I figured.” He winked. “Feel better?”

Slowly, I took a deep breath and took stock of my body. I felt better. I was less achy and sore, and the buzzing lessened.

“Yes. Thanks.”

“I will be happy to make you a second cup when we stop later.”

“Pass. And pass on all future cups. In fact, never offer that to me again.”

“No one respects my medicinal skills.” Devin turned toward the wagon, and I followed.

Hayes brought over a cup of water, and was about to comment on my haggard appearance, but I held up a finger and shook my head in warning. He quickly retreated. I drank the water down greedily and did my best to get ready for the day.

When we mounted, I strapped myself to Damsel’s saddle horn, in case I fell off. I pulled my hood over my head and kept my face low, trying to hide my shaking hands. I was thankful for the pace we set because no one tried to talk to me, and I tried to get through another arduous day. With each passing candle mark, the shivering lessened as the final dregs of the drugs worked their way out my