had made for me, but with herbs to clot the blood and stop the bleeding. Jazmine was asleep before April finished tending her wounds, and Luke followed a minute later, sinking into the velvet sofa in the corner.
“My sisters have all married,” Penelope said, coming into the room from a side door, freshly showered. “The closets should still hold some of their old clothes, help yourself. Trousers are uncommon for girls here, so I’d recommend a dress, at least for dinner, or else my mother will ask all the wrong kinds of questions.”
It was jarring to see Penelope dressed, not in the modern fashion I’d gotten used to from the capital, but in a frilly lavender gown with a wide skirt. Her skin looked immaculate, and now that she was clean, her eyes sparkled with intensity.
“Death suits you,” Jazmine joked.
I frowned at the macabre comment, but she wasn’t wrong. Penelope had always been stunning, with dark hair and crystal blue eyes, but now she seemed otherworldly. Maybe it was just the contrast, after seeing her locked in a cage for weeks, more like a rabid animal than anything else. Now her pale skin was practically glowing, though the dark circles under her eyes hinted at her recent trauma, and her collarbones stood out a little too much against her too-thin frame.
I joined her on the balcony as Camina took her shower. Outside, the steady hum of the purification engines blended with the soft beating of the surf against the shore, like a slow heartbeat.
“How are you holding up?” I asked.
“I’m... thirsty,” she whispered back, huskily. “You know what it’s like, if you miss a dose of elixir. As chosen we were allowed two drops a day. I never really needed it, when I was with Tobias, but I suppose I drank at least that much. But those effects were negligible. A slight headache, sometimes the shakes or nausea. This... this is new. I feel like I’m holding onto my sanity with both hands. It’s like there’s a wolf inside me chewing through his leash. He will bite through his own leg to be free.”
“But you’ll be fine, right?”
I whispered, squeezing her hand.
She flinched and pulled away, her hand shaking.
“I don’t know. In the woods, you all smelled so badly it took my appetite away,” she smirked. “But now, here, surrounded by all these people. It’s like being at a buffet line. I don’t want to feed, but I also don’t want to attack anyone when I’m too crazed to stop myself. And I feel… so powerful. So fast. Like an elephant in an antique shop. When I feel myself slowing down, I don’t want it to stop. Part of me wonders, maybe the compounds aren’t to keep the slagpaw out. Maybe they’re to protect against the elite, like locking up the sweets on the higher shelf so the kids don’t get into it.”
“You can control it,” I said.
“For now. Mostly because the idea of disgracing my family, of what my mother would say if she knew. But it’s exhausting, and I don’t know. Control isn’t something you have. It’s something you work towards. Resisting what you want, every second. The temptation growing and growing until your will power is gone completely. When that happens, I don’t want to be around people I care about. Also I feel so embarrassed, whining about being hungry, asking the others to feed me, like a babe sucking at the breast.”
I nodded, though I couldn’t imagine what she was going through.
“We’ll stay strong together. Better not risk it, figure out how much you need to stay in control, and we’ll make sure you have that much. Every day. No questions asked.”
“You’re a true friend, Emily Sharrow.”
I smiled, even though I feared a few sips of blood might still not be enough. And if she was hungry, like April said, she would turn on us to feed. After all, she’d only been elite for a few weeks. Damien was nearly a century old and still had trouble controlling his urges.
We didn’t see the others until dinner, when Penelope led us down the stairs to the dining room. The boys looked like different creatures altogether, and uncomfortable in their stiff evening suits. Trevor’s broad shoulders barely fit into the dark coat he was wearing, and he hadn’t shaved. Even so, he looked surprisingly good.
“You clean up well,” I smirked.
“You look,” he started, his eyes rounding as I gave him a little twirl. I’d found a light blue