by a committee. I couldn’t let my feelings for Damien get in the way of what was right. Somehow, I was going to find this ash-furnace, and turn it off.
Nobody would even believe the truth if I told them, but if they saw the clear sky for themselves; if humans reclaimed the daylight and were free to build their own homes in the wild, without paying for it with their blood… well, it was a start. There would be war, and bloodshed, there was no doubt. But we’d have a chance.
For now, this was a secret I had to keep.
“What is it?” Damien said, cupping my cheek. He could read me too well. I grabbed his hand and pulled it away. I didn’t trust myself not to tell him everything, even though I wanted to. I had to get rid of him. There was still one truth I could tell him.
“I went to Fanno Creek,” I said. “I saw your old house, what was left of it.”
Damien recoiled like I’d struck him. The movement startled me, I’d forgotten how fast he could be. How rigidly he must have to control himself.
“We thought maybe, we’d find the cure, or some notes. Something that would let us finish the antidote. We figured it would be less guarded than the citadel.”
“That’s true at least, though it was still dangerous to travel all that way yourself.”
“There’s something I have to tell you, something, big. You’d better sit down.”
“I am sitting,” he said, leaning back further against the log and folding his hands together in his lap. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
“Your mother, she’s… she’s still alive.”
Damien’s eyes snapped open, searching my face. His expression was hopeful, and for just a moment I could picture the innocent teenager he’d once been. Then his features hardened.
“That’s impossible,” he said. “We buried her. I spoke at her funeral. I laid flowers on her grave.”
“Well I spoke to her, yesterday,” I snapped.
He stood up with a flash of violence, leaning over me in an instant, his fingers trembling.
“She’s trapped, locked up in some kind of cage in your basement.”
“You left her there?” he asked quietly.
“I had to. She was dangerous. Powerful. We barely escaped. But I promised I’d find you, and tell you, or come back myself.”
“No, you don’t have to. I should be the one to do it.”
He bowed his head, resting his face in his hands.
“All these years, I thought it was my fault. That we’d gone on the run because of what I’d done at school. We left suddenly, spent the last few weeks staying at fancy hotels, then guarded security camps, as everything burned down around us. I never asked, I didn’t go back. I should have.”
“So what’s this mean, for us?” I asked, after a long pause. Is there an us?
“I… I have to go,” he said. “I told my father I was off to join Tobias hunt for you. I’m pretty sure he didn’t believe me.”
“I understand,” I said, leaning closer and laying my cheek against his shoulder.
“But once she’s safe, I swear I’ll help you kill him. Whatever it takes. Some sins, can’t be forgiven.”
27
I came back into the camp alone, my arms wrapped around my shoulders.
Amber was waiting for me near the gate, talking with a few of the younger girls from the shire.
She linked arms in mine. I didn’t feel like talking, and she didn’t press at first, we just ambled in a slow loop around the perimeter, behind the tents and buildings. It was strange to be in a compound without the purification engines. The trees blocked a lot of the ash but it still fell, thin flakes that blanketed everything in a gray carpet. I knew it would poison the water or vegetables or anything that wasn’t covered. This was a refugee camp, not a home.
I had a tension headache in my neck and shoulders, probably from the alcohol, and my bare feet tingled. I felt tired and dirty. Last night had ended up as a blur, and while I didn’t regret it, exactly, I hadn’t expected Damien to show up either.
“I brought you something,” Amber said finally, loosening her cape and pulling out the long bow strapped to her back. It had been wrapped in leather to prevent damage, but I recognized it immediately.
“Dad’s bow,” I said, rubbing my fingers against the worn wood and plucking at the string.
“I don’t know what kind of condition it’s in,” Amber said. “But when Damien