Third Chances (Men Of Manhattan #2) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,81

My fianc茅e has changed me for the better. But to say I couldn't go back to what I was would be a lie. If I lost her, I would need to numb the pain. So yes, I am an addict. I understand why that would push someone away.

But I don't see why my shortcomings have to affect my brother. Rob isn't me. He finds joy in living, not from filling his body with chemicals. He's smart, funny, and kind. He defends me when I clearly don't deserve defending. And he looks at you in a way I haven't seen him look at someone before.

I'm at peace with my past. I have to be in order to move forward. So judge me all you like. I can handle it. It's my burden. Don't place that burden on my brother. I've already put him through enough. I'd hate to know I'd messed up his life any more than I already have.

I wiped away the tears on my cheeks. God, I'm such an asshole. I hadn't just offended Rob, I had offended his brother too. Yet, instead of avoiding me, James had written me this letter. It was a mixture of apology, understanding, and forgiveness, none of which I deserved. If I hid in my room for the rest of the day, I'd regret it. These guys weren't bad news. I had to apologize to both of them.

I stuffed the note in my pocket and ran toward the door. I retraced my steps until I was standing out by the pool again. But Rob wasn't there anymore. James was sitting next to Mason and there was an empty seat on the other side of him where Rob had once been. Maybe apologizing to them one at a time would be easier. I walked toward him before I could chicken out.

"James?"

He looked up from his book and smiled. "Hey, Daphne."

I didn't deserve that smile. Why was he so nice? He should be angry at me. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"I was hoping you would." He put down his book and turned toward me. "I'm assuming you got my note?"

I nodded. Again, I hadn't planned what to say. I sat down in the empty seat beside him. "I owe you an apology."

"You don't, actually. If anything, I should be thanking you for looking out for me last night."

I shook my head. "No. I didn't even stay long enough to make sure you were okay, I..."

"I'm still grateful." He stared at me for a second. "You do, however, owe my brother an apology."

I was a little taken aback by his honesty. "I know. I thought he'd still be out here. Do you know where he went?"

"I'm pretty sure he went looking for you."

"Why?

James smiled. "Because he saw that you were upset, and that's the kind of man he is."

I looked down at my hands. "I'm not sure how much Rob told you about what I said last night..."

"Enough to realize that you were upset by me and not him."

"I wasn't upset with you."

"It's okay. I understand why you would jump to conclusions about me. I think I've done enough to earn people's skepticism."

"That's not why I said what I did." I didn't want James to think I was a judgmental monster for no reason. Why was this still so hard to talk about? "I lost someone close to me because of an overdose. I just...I was worried."

"I'm sorry."

"And I was scared that if I got close to Rob and something happened to you..." my voice caught in my throat.

"If I've learned one thing in my life it's that you need to stop living in the past. It'll eat you up until nothing is left."

"I wish I had you in class. I feel like you were probably a really good professor."

He laughed. "Yeah, maybe."

"Do you ever think about teaching again?"

"I've made my choices and I'm happy with them."

He was too obliterated to remember last night. Which meant he didn't remember confessing that he missed being a professor. But his answer about being happy with his choices seemed so honest. Maybe he wasn't even aware of what he really wanted.

"You don't ever miss it?" I asked.

He lowered his eyebrows slightly. When he did that, he looked so much like Rob. "Sometimes. It was always going to be temporary, though."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that. I shrugged my shoulders. "If you say so. I should probably go find your brother. Any ideas of where