far too much. Uncle Ben had had a roomful of advisors, while Nick was now down to only Donnie.
Fuck, he missed Angie.
Nick held, and wielded, a great deal of power. There were few in any kind of position to tell him when he was wrong, and it would be nothing to silence those voices and proceed according to his own will and whim. He worked hard to be cool and calm, to think deeply before he acted, and to act always with resolve. He trusted his instincts and his intellect and felt sure of his rightness. Even on the rare occasion that he made a mistake, he felt sure he’d done his due diligence and made the best decision he could when he’d made it.
But he knew the power would get to him, warp him, if he silenced dissent around him.
“Go ahead, friend.”
Donnie’s smile was wry and careful. “I’m thinking about Bev, how she came into your life. Into our world. You needed to protect her. That’s when you fell in love with her. And that’s when she became my friend. Because guarding somebody that closely, you can’t help but get to know them. It’s not about making time, trying to use her, it’s just about being there. All the time.”
Nick waved at Donnie’s scarred face. “And we both remember what happened to Beverly while she was under our protection.” Donnie and Beverly had almost died that long-ago night. They both bore lifelong scars.
Donnie winced. “Nick, c’mon.”
He was being unfair and unkind—and unreasonable—and he knew it. He blew out this hot bitterness before it choked him. “Do you have more to say?”
With a nod, Donnie picked up his argument again. “Alex is a good kid, Nick. He kept his spine when Angie pressed him over that Bondaruk contact, and he’s been rock solid since. We’ve put him in the soup a few times, and he always comes out tougher. That’s why we put him on this assignment in the first place.”
“You’re telling me to let this boy have my daughter. My daughter.”
“I’m suggesting you think before you intervene between them. If Lia likes him, and you get in the way of that, especially right now, with her leaving Brown against her wish—I’m just suggesting caution.”
Donnie was right. Nick had already broken Lia’s heart making her give up college. If she really wanted Alex and he took that away, too … he could lose her like he’d lost Elisa.
But Elisa had run from his world. What Lia wanted, if she wanted this, would move her more deeply into it.
“I don’t want any of my daughters with any Pagano man. I’ve worked all their lives to keep their world apart from this one.”
“And you know that’s an impossible thing. Our world bleeds outward. That’s why Alex was there. Lia needed protection.”
Nick sagged back in his chair. His friend was right. For all his efforts to control this world, for all his fervent attempts to keep his family safe, he’d failed again and again. The task was simply impossible.
He’d been arrogant to think he could have love and family and keep their lives untainted by his darkness. Maybe he should never have tried.
But then he wouldn’t have Beverly, or their children, or that world he loved so much. What kind of man would he have become without their love to center him?
He knew exactly what kind of man—he’d been that man for forty-four years, before he’d met her.
“Fuck, Donnie.”
“I know. I didn’t get long to be a dad to my boy, but I love your kids like my own. I don’t envy the position you’re in.”
“I want to talk to Alex.” When Donnie eyed him warily, Nick added, “I mean talk literally. I want to hear what you heard, that he means to be true with her. Then … maybe.”
Donnie grinned. “He’s in the warehouse. I’ll call him up. And I’ll make him sweat.”
“Good.” Nick chuckled, and a little of the tension that had tightened around his defective lungs eased.
~oOo~
Donnie led Alex Di Pietro into Nick’s office and then stepped out, closing the door. Nick saw the subtle flinch in Alex’s shoulders that was the urge to turn back and see whether Donnie had really left him alone with the don.
Nick enjoyed that fear in the younger men. Fear and respect were very similar from a distance. It was just and right that these young, green men should fear him, until they understood enough to respect him for more than his reputation.