a banana split on the boardwalk. And she told stories of a sister she looked up to, who was beautiful and brilliant and cared about the world so hard it nearly broke her every day. A sister who’d wanted to heal the sick, feed the hungry, shelter the unprotected, rest the weary.
She told every story like a storyteller, in a voice quivering with emotion, yet full and rich.
Then she stopped, and let her head droop down. For several seconds, stretching toward a full minute, she stared at the lectern while the soft sounds of many people weeping and recovering wafted through the nave.
When she looked up again, she wiped her eyes. “Our papa blames himself for what happened to Elisa.” Nick stiffened so quickly at that, the back of the pew shook visibly. "Maybe other people do, too. I don’t know. Nobody’s said it to me, and they’d better not. Because it’s not true. It’s terrible, what happened. But this is a world where terrible things happen. Elisa knew the truth of the world and was horrified by it every day. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what you do. Terrible things happen. But good things happen, too. Love, and comfort, and the beach and banana splits. Dogs who’ll let you dip their noses in glitter and papas who come home in time to read bedtime stories. Mammas who volunteer in classrooms and sit in the hot sun all day pretending to love backyard theater. Elisa, Carina, Ren, and me—we were born lucky. We have parents who adore each other, who adore us. Our house is always full of love. We fight and squabble and don’t always understand each other, but we love. Terrible things happen in this world we all live in. Nobody can change that. But some people do all they can to try anyway, even when it hurts. Some people love with everything they have, and they try. Elisa was like that. She was a lot like Papa in that way. I hope I can be like that, too.”
She stepped away from the lectern and headed back to the pew. Alex headed to her, but her father did, too. He stood and moved into the center aisle. This time, Bev didn’t hold him back. Nick caught Lia and pulled her into a desperately tight hug. Alex saw Lia’s back shaking as she cried.
Then Bev stood and went to them. Nick pulled her into his arms as well. And Carina. And Ren. What was left of Nick’s family stood before the altar, woven together in grief again.
When it was over, and Nick led his family back to the pew, Lia sat between her parents. Alex didn’t mind being left alone; he moved back and sat beside his mother.
~oOo~
“I made you up a plate, honey.”
Alex turned around and saw his mother standing with a plate laden with appetizer-type foods. She’d been trying not to draw his attention from Lia today, but Bev had sent Lia off to find and collect her brother from whatever hidey-hole he’d crawled into, so Alex had been standing by himself at the side of the big dining room. Without Lia at his side, he didn’t feel like he had a place to be in Nick’s house.
It must have been a hundred times worse for his mom. He took the plate from her and chuckled at the amount of food on it. “Are you worried I’m going to starve if you don’t feed me?”
She smiled. “I just know how you eat. Like you’re afraid you won’t get another meal.”
He popped a deviled egg in his mouth. After he swallowed, he said, “I’m being a jerk and leaving you alone today. I’m sorry.”
“Hush. You’re where you should be.”
It was an odd thing for his mother to say, maybe. She liked Lia, but she wasn’t on board with their relationship, just like she wasn’t on board with his career choice.
Honestly, Alex had been having second thoughts about that himself. Working for the Paganos was a thing he’d fallen into without much thought, because he hadn’t felt like he’d had any better options. He still didn’t feel like he had better options, and he was good, so far, at the things he’d been asked to do. He was good at this.
But he didn’t relish the violence. It made him queasy to hurt somebody, or even to see someone hurt—especially the kind of hurt that happened in this life. That warehouse was fucking traumatizing.