Thieving Weasels - Billy Taylor Page 0,18
mine, thanks to you.”
He held up his hands like a scale. “Uncle Wonderful giveth and Uncle Wonderful taketh away.” Then he lowered his arms and said, “Actually, it’s more like the other way around.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m saying come inside and maybe, just maybe, we can come to an arrangement that’s beneficial to both of us.”
Seeing no alternative, and not wanting a murder conviction on my permanent record, I unclenched my fists and followed him inside.
“You want a biscotti?” he asked, leading me into the kitchen.
“No, I don’t want a biscotti.”
“Suit yourself.”
He set the gun on the counter and pulled a package of Stella D’oro from the cabinet. As he crumbled two biscotti into a bowl and poured milk over them, I glanced down at his gun and thought about all the times Roy and I had played with it when we were kids. It seemed like every time Uncle Wonderful and Aunt Marie left the house one of us would sneak into their bedroom and get it from the closet shelf. It was a miracle we didn’t shoot each other.
Uncle Wonderful sat down at the kitchen table and mashed up his biscotti with a spoon. “So, here’s the deal,” he began. “We need a second man for a job Roy’s planning and we want that man to be you.”
“No way,” I replied before the last word was out of his mouth.
“But you haven’t heard the terms of the deal yet.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m out of the game. End of story.”
He sighed then stuck his fingers deep in his mouth and pulled out his teeth. Uncle Wonderful had always been vain about his looks, and the slicked-back hair, golf-pro image he’d been cultivating since I was a kid looked totally ridiculous without teeth.
“Yuck,” I said, turning away. “Do you have to do that right at the table?”
He placed the teeth on a saucer and said, “What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a pair of falsies before?”
“Not on you.”
“Get used to them, kiddo, because they’re a permanent part of my life from now on.”
“What happened to your old ones?”
“Nothing special. I always had lousy teeth, and when I figured out a way to get the Veteran’s Administration to pay for them I figured it was time for an upgrade.”
“But you’re not a veteran,” I said.
“A mere detail,” Uncle Wonderful said with a smile. “They had to make three sets, the incompetent jerks, but this pair fits like a glove. The only problem is I haven’t gotten used to wearing them while eating.”
“What did you do with the other two pairs?” I asked.
“I keep them for backup in case something happens to these. Now back to the business at hand.” He shoveled a spoonful of mushy biscotti into his mouth and said, “Maybe I didn’t explain myself properly a minute ago, so let me say it differently. You help Roy with this job, and I’ll make sure that problem with your scholarship goes away.”
“What about Vinny? I thought he was Roy’s partner.”
“Vinny’s good people, but this job requires a little more finesse than Vinny’s capable of.” He picked up his teeth and gun and said, “Think about it for a minute. I gotta wash these things off and apply more adhesive.”
“To the dentures or the gun?” I asked with a grin.
“Don’t be a wisenheimer.”
He walked away, and I looked around the kitchen. Despite the fact that I wanted to murder Uncle Wonderful, I had nothing but fond memories of this house and eating Sunday dinner there with Aunt Marie and Grandpa Patsy. It was one of the few permanent things in my life.
As was my family’s nonsense.
I grabbed a biscotti from the package and weighed my options. There were two, as far as I could tell: I could say yes to Uncle Wonderful’s offer and go back to school and a life of infinite possibilities. Or I could say no, and . . .
And what? Live on the streets? Sleep in a cardboard box?
My choices were limited, and they both stank. I racked my brain trying to think of an alternative, but there wasn’t one. I had to take Roy’s job, and my only wiggle room was in the details.
Uncle Wonderful reappeared with his teeth back where they were supposed to be and sat down at the table.
“So?” he asked. “What’s it gonna be?”
“I’ll do it.”
“Good.”
Then I held up a finger and said, “After I hear about the job.”
“It’s Roy’s deal. He’ll fill you in on the details.”
“Okay, but just