place to chill, late at night, when you feel like punching a wall.”
“Do you feel like punching a wall?”
“I feel like punching my husband.”
“Oh.”
“And Bright. And Manny. And this entire damn department.”
Zoe walked over to O’Donnell, unsure what she was doing there.
“It was my husband on the phone,” O’Donnell said. “He was angry I left him with the kid on a Saturday night.”
“It’s not exactly your fault that Rhea Deleon got abducted,” Zoe said.
“That’s what I said. But it turns out some random detective from the department posted a picture of his children sleeping on Facebook an hour ago. And guess who’s Facebook friends with him? That’s right, my husband.”
“So what?”
“My husband,” O’Donnell explained, “thinks that this guy is maintaining a healthy family-work balance. He wants me to learn from him.”
“You can explain to him that the entire task force is here.”
“He doesn’t want to hear it, Zoe. If you just had to listen to his endless bitching like I did, you’d know.” O’Donnell shut her eyes. “Sorry for dragging you out like that. But I had to vent, and I have no one else in this damn place to talk to.”
“It’s okay.”
“Besides, you’re a shrink, right? You’re probably used to it.”
Zoe frowned. “I’m a forensic psychologist. When I talk to patients, they’re mostly violent criminals.”
“I’m pretty violent right now,” O’Donnell said cheerfully. “So that works for me.”
“I’m sure your husband understands.”
O’Donnell shook her head. “He doesn’t. Not that it matters. I’m probably on my way out of Violent Crimes. Bright pretty much told me that a few hours ago. My husband will be thrilled.”
“Oh.” Zoe recalled O’Donnell going to Bright’s office to talk to him. “I’m sorry. Is this because of that thing with your ex-partner?”
O’Donnell shrugged. “It’s part of it. For a while I figured I could just try to hang in there. The rumors would pass. And if I handled my cases well, then at least Bright would see it’s worth keeping me. But two out of my five homicide cases in the past year are still open. And now this case is going nowhere. Bright isn’t stupid. No one wants to partner with me, and I have that thing with Manny hanging over my head.”
“Well, I doubt Bright is actually paying attention to the rumors about you being a rat,” Zoe said. “Like you said, he isn’t stupid.”
O’Donnell broodingly leaned her forehead on the windowpane. “I informed on Manny to Internal Affairs.”
“Oh.” Zoe didn’t know what to say to that.
“I didn’t do it because I was sleeping with him or sleeping with the IA guy, and I didn’t cut a deal. All the rumors are bullshit. But I did rat him out.” O’Donnell’s voice cracked.
She seemed to curl into herself as she talked. She suddenly looked like a tiny, lost child. Zoe hesitated, then put her hand on O’Donnell’s shoulder.
O’Donnell glanced at her, eyes wet. “It’s not like I have a stick up my ass. Some cops are dirty, but they’re still good cops. When I was in uniform, I saw my partner skim five hundred dollars off a drug dealer we busted. He wanted to cut it with me, and I refused. But I didn’t rat him out. This job . . . civilians don’t even know how many times a day cops need to fight temptations. People slip. Especially when everyone assumes we’re all dirty anyway. I get it.”
“But with Manny it was different?”
“He had drug dealers paying him on a monthly basis. He had a whole racket with two different defense lawyers—he busted dealers, gave them a lawyer’s card, and if that lawyer got the client, Manny got twenty percent. I saw him take money from a pimp twice. And he kept telling me I need to take some of it. That way, he’d know he could trust me. And you know what? I almost did. Because at that point it was either be a rat or be dirty, and I couldn’t even figure out which was worse.”
“But you didn’t.”
O’Donnell wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “No, I didn’t. You’d think I’d feel good about having a backbone or whatever, but frankly, half the time, I’ve regretted it. It would have been so much easier. Instead, I went to Internal Affairs and gave them what I had. And now I’m the department’s rat.”
“You did the right thing,” Zoe said, feeling the hollowness of her words.
“Yeah? Well, they don’t give awards for that.”
Zoe squeezed O’Donnell’s shoulder. Then, after a moment of