open cabinet so I can see her tilt her head in a movie-star pose that’s a bit weird, but kind of cute, too. “Number nine, 1988.” She winks. “And that makes me forty-two if you can do math.”
“You were on the list?” I instantly regret the shock in my voice, knowing exactly how that sounded—and really knowing how it must feel.
“I know, tough to believe. But I was a rockin’ hundred and ten pounds back then, and the baby-oil-and-iodine-laden summer afternoons hadn’t taken their wrath out on my skin yet.” She brushes her face wistfully. “And sometimes the most surprising people get on that list.”
Like me. “Was it a big deal back then?”
“Oh, yes.” She places bandages and a bottle on a sterile tray, then settles back down in front of me. “Everyone looks at you differently.”
“Tell me about it,” I agree. “But I’m no different.”
She takes my hand and lets out a sigh. “You’re in a very special club.”
I hiss in a breath when the disinfectant stings. “No offense, Nurse Fedder, but I really wasn’t that interested in getting into this particular club. I’m more concerned about getting into college.”
“No offense taken.” She dabs lightly. “I was no great beauty, trust me, so getting voted onto the Hottie List was kind of a stunner.”
“That’s how I feel.”
She scrutinizes my face again, this time with a less clinical eye. “You’re pretty.”
The way she says it makes me laugh. “Pretty average.”
“No, pretty.” She adds a slow, sad smile. “You look like your brother, and I mean that as a great compliment.”
I keep myself from reacting with anything but a simple nod, mostly out of habit. I’ve heard it a hundred times. A thousand. We shared coloring and face shape, but Conner was somehow beautiful and bright, on the inside, too.
“He was a very nice boy.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Loved to talk.”
I can’t help but smile. “There was never a quiet moment in our house.” But now it’s stone silent most of the time.
“It’s been about two years now, hasn’t it?”
I try to swallow. “Just about.”
“I’m sorry.” She pats the hand she holds. “I just want you to know I thought he was a really outstanding young man.”
No surprise there. Everyone loved Conner. Everyone. “He was,” I agree, my voice gruff.
“Such a shame and shock, that accident.”
Please, no. Don’t go there. Don’t take me there. I know she feels my hand stiffen in hers because she adds a quick, tight smile. “And no,” she assures me. “You will not lose this nail.” She unwinds a long strip of gauze. “But now you can really give someone that finger if they say you don’t belong on the Hottie List.”
“I don’t”—I wince when she starts to wrap—“care about it,” I finish.
“Oh, you will,” she says confidently.
“Really, it’s not that important to me.” Maybe it was the highlight of her life. Maybe she peaked in high school. But that wasn’t going to be me.
“It’s not being on the list that’s important,” she says as she finishes the wrap. “It’s the friends you make for life.”
I sincerely doubt I’ll be friends with the likes of Olivia Thayne and Chloe Batista.
“I’ll tell the others I met you,” she adds.
For a second, I’m not sure I heard her right. “What others?”
“The other hotties.” She lets out a soft laugh. “I know it sounds crazy to call ourselves that when some are in their forties, but once a hottie always a hottie, we say.”
“There’s a club?” Which would be, whoa, another thing I don’t want to be in.
She just smiles. “Celebrating the thirtieth year, too. We have an email loop, meet when we can, even attend weddings and …” She shakes her head. “A few heartbreaking funerals.”
“Do I have to be in this club?”
“You are in this club.” She puts the final piece of tape on the big white lump of gauze that used to be my middle finger. Without looking at me, she stands and begins to put her supplies away. “Like it or not.” I hear her sigh deeply.
“Not,” I say quickly.
“When you’re ready, you can contact me.” This time her look is quite serious, all humor absent from her eyes and replaced by something that looks a little … sad. “I won’t be able to answer everything, of course, but over the years, we’ve learned a few things.”
Like how to be weird. I stand and nod my thanks, so ready to get out of there. “Am I done? Do I have to see a doctor or get a note