There Goes My Heart (The Sullivans #20) - Bella Andre Page 0,83

looked away, as though she couldn’t bear to face him. “Do you have any idea how much I want to be a part of your family? How much I want to spend time with your mom so that she can fill the hole inside of me that losing my mom left?” A tiny spark flickered in Zara’s eyes—but it came from emotions he never wanted to see on her face again. Shame. Guilt. Fear. “One day, when you want to break up with me—which we both know will happen sooner or later, because I’m still such a mess—you’ll think you need to let things linger the way you did with your previous girlfriends. Which is the opposite of everything I wanted for you when we embarked on this week together. I can’t do that to you, Rory.”

Everything she’d just said was gut-wrenching. And yet, unlike the night when she’d told him about her mom, she seemed totally shut down and matter-of-fact. Rory had always been able to get a rise out of her—whether good or bad. For the first time, he couldn’t get anything from her at all.

But as he’d told his mother, he would never give up on Zara. Never.

“Thank you for being honest with me and baring your heart to me the way you just did,” he said softly. “Now I’m going to do the same for you, because I love you, and that’s what love is all about. Sharing the good and the bad, no matter how hard or scary.” Though he didn’t reach for her hand, he scooted closer, needing to erase as much distance between them as he possibly could. “I screwed up, Zara, by wanting so badly to believe that falling in love and agreeing to move in together meant everything was resolved. I knew that you couldn’t simply shake off the guilt and grief you feel over losing your mom, but I still hoped that if I just kept loving you with everything I am, and if I made sure you were always laughing, that I could heal your pain. I also hoped that after you spent time with my family, you’d see that not only do I have your back, but all of the Sullivans are now on your team as well. Because the truth is that instead of freaking out about how much you like my family, few things could make me happier. At the very least,” he added with a smile that was difficult to muster when everything that mattered was at stake and he was horribly afraid that he was blowing it, “it will make fifty years of Friday night dinners so much easier for all of us.”

At last, Zara couldn’t restrain her response. “Fifty years?”

“At least.” Though he was as scared as he’d ever been—absolutely terrified that he would lose her if he didn’t get this right—he smiled into her beautiful eyes. “Do you remember when we were listing the reasons we’d fallen for each other on the drive to Camden? We might have tried to act like we were pretending, but both of us were telling the truth all along. I meant every word I said about admiring your fierce determination to pursue your dreams without letting anyone, or anything, get in your way. And I know that if anyone is strong enough to heal from the pain of losing her mother—if anyone can forgive herself for what she said and did on the day her mom passed away—it’s you.”

When the silence stretched between them, he racked his brain for another way to convince her to let him past the emotional walls she’d thrown up to protect herself. And then he remembered the hope chest on the floor beside them.

“I made you something.” He picked up the chest and held it out, but she didn’t take it. Praying he wasn’t making things even worse, he told her, “I know how much the hope chest your mother gave you means to you. I want you to have one that will last forever. And I want you to know that your mom isn’t the only one who wanted all of your hopes and dreams to come true—I want that too. I would give up everything I have, if only I could give that to you.” And he would always look out for her the way her mother had obviously intended to.

“Rory…” She heaved in a breath, and when she let it go, her entire frame shook. “It’s beautiful.” But