She lit the last match and stared ahead open-mouthed. How had she missed that?
Chapter Fifty-Three
Cherie placed her key in the door and felt the emptiness of what was once a bustling family home. The first thing to hit her was the cold, the second was the vacuous feeling of loneliness and she was to blame. She exhaled and a plume of white mist led the way into the chilly hallway. She grabbed another coat from the peg, putting it on over her hoodie as she switched the light and heating on. ‘Christian,’ she called. She knew there wouldn’t be an answer. Why would there be? She’d driven him away.
Hurrying through to the kitchen, she slammed the bag of shopping onto the kitchen table. Shopping – she wasn’t sure she could call it shopping. She pulled out the litre of vodka and two bottles of red wine. Unscrewing the vodka, a tear slipped down her cheek as she placed it to her lips and felt the warmth of the liquid slipping down her throat. It no longer mattered that it was cold. It no longer mattered that Christian had left her and it no longer mattered that there was a chance she’d never see her children again. Everything was going to come out and there was nothing she could do to stop it, not now the divisions in the group had been caused.
Maybe, just maybe, she’d been recognised as she discreetly sat and watched, trying to pluck up the courage to speak up and say something. She shook her head. No, that hadn’t happened. What was happening came down to Isaac or Marcus or even Penny.
Her finger hovered over Isaac’s number on her phone. No, she couldn’t call him. Not after the conversation she’d had with Marcus. Who to trust? That was the big question. Isaac – no. Marcus – no. Penny – who knows? Joanna – had Isaac said anything to Joanna? Maybe he’d kept his secret from her like she had from Christian. Maybe he hadn’t. Maybe Joanna was in on all this with Isaac, doing all she could to protect him. Maybe they were all playing with her head.
The only thing she could trust was the alcohol in front of her. She could rely on it to make her forget and to fill her heart with all that she was missing. After an initial hit from the vodka, she unscrewed a bottle of red and took a swig. The merlot was mellower, full-bodied and flavoursome. ‘I have missed you, you beauty.’ She swallowed a bit more and leaned her head against the wall.
The light coming from the hallway led her eye to the windowsill. The photo of Bella and Oliver filled her with a flush of love that warmed her up. Their chocolate-brown eyes and bright smiles stared back at her. Bella’s long black plaits and freckly, coffee-coloured skin made Cherie want to reach out and hug her, drink her in as she smelled her hair. She gulped down some more wine. A quarter of a bottle gone, just like that. The table shook as she slammed her hand down.
She stood and balanced on her wobbly legs, then shuffled to the photo and held it close to her heart as she sobbed. The effects of the vodka and wine were kicking in quick. The room swayed a little – she was just at the slightly merry stage. During her pre-alcoholic stage in life, this is how she’d start a night out. But now, this is how she was going to start a big night in. If she was to sleep, she needed a drink and she needed to sleep. She needed the chance to dream of her children and her life before the past popped in for a visit and ruined her future. If all she could have were dreams, then that was what she’d have to settle for.
Taking one step at a time up the stairs, she turned off the landing light and headed to her and Christian’s bedroom. Her unread book lay flat on her bedside table, the one she hadn’t been able to concentrate on while sitting at the café, hiding at the back in the shadows while she watched and waited. Crime and Punishment – she hadn’t even got through the first chapter. As she’d sat in the café, she’d pondered over what to do. She should have revealed her motives sooner but as always, she was too late and the person she needed