burning, ‘I bought us a drink – white wine for me, red for him – and he managed to find us a table, which was pretty impressive because the place was totally rammed by then and the one I’d been sitting at got nabbed as soon as I stood up.’
I did a couple more squats, by the end of which I was too out of breath to talk.
‘Go on, you’ve got this,’ Dani said. ‘Two more, then you can carry on with the story, right?’
‘Right.’ I finished my set, replaced the weight and stood there for a moment, breathing hard, my eyes stinging with perspiration.
‘So you bought a drink and you sat down,’ Dani prompted, wide-eyed. ‘And then?’
‘Then we chatted a bit, like you do. It was weird because I kept wanting to ask him all the questions I’d planned to ask Dominic.’
‘What happened to him, anyway? Did he get in touch with a grovelling apology?’
‘Nope. Nothing. And he’s blocked me. I’ve got absolutely no idea what that was all about.’
‘Bastard,’ she said. ‘He probably got a booty call – some girl he’s shagged before and knew was a certainty – and he couldn’t be bothered to think of an excuse. He should be ashamed of himself.’
‘Maybe, but I bet he isn’t. Anyway, so I had to keep reminding myself not to say something like, “How is a luffing crane different from a normal crane anyway?” to Justin, like I’d been planning to say to Dominic. So I asked him what he did for work and he told me he was an accountant, so of course I couldn’t think of anything even slightly interesting to ask him about that.’
‘“What is double entry anyway, I’ve always wondered?”’ Dani suggested, and we both giggled childishly.
‘“Do you have an asset or a liability?”’ I suggested.
‘“Are you single and ready to commingle?”’
I stepped under the bar and did another set of squats, racking my brain and then racking the weight.
‘Sorry,’ I said, when I’d finished. ‘That’s it. No more accountancy puns. I’ve got nothing else.’
‘Just as well,’ she admitted. ‘I’m all out too. It’s not exactly a field that has many opportunities for lolz, is it?’
I shook my head.
‘Anyway, never mind about that,’ she went on. ‘Back to Justin. So you had your drink and you talked about what he gets up to between the spreadsheets.’
I groaned. ‘Badoom-tish.’
‘Thank you, I’m here all week.’
‘Anyway, yeah, so he actually did talk about being an accountant. Like, a lot. He talked about how it requires integrity, precision, attention to detail and stuff like that. And he talked about how it’s given him this great grounding in managing his own personal finances, and how he was able to put down a deposit on his first flat when he was twenty-three, because he’d always saved between ten and fifteen per cent of his income – net, not gross, whatever that means – since he got his first summer job when he was sixteen, and invested it across a spread of short- and long-term instruments, carefully selected to manage risk and maximise growth whilst offering a steady rate of return.’
I paused for breath, and Dani said, ‘Oh. Right.’
‘And he said he’d started paying into a pension as soon as he got his first job, so that he’d be able to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle in retirement, thanks to his prudent financial planning.’
‘Right,’ Dani said again. ‘So by this point you must have been practically whipping your knickers off and waving them round your head?’
‘Exactly. Nothing turns me on like a good chat about fiscal responsibility.’
‘So I guess he isn’t The One, then? No story to tell your grandchildren?’
I shook my head. ‘Sorry about that. I did try, honestly. I thought maybe I could drink him interesting, so we had, like, three more glasses of wine and I swear to God, he just kept getting more and more boring. I’m sure he’ll be an amazing husband and father one day, but…’
‘Not for you?’
‘Not for me. And there was another thing.’
‘Don’t tell me it gets worse?’
‘I’m afraid it does. So when I bought the first round, I left my card behind the bar to start a tab, like you do. I mean, everyone does it at work. It saves the staff having to put through a payment every time. And when eventually I just couldn’t try to fancy him any more, and I said I was going to call it a night because I was knackered and I had an early shift