Tender Mercies - By Kitty Thomas Page 0,44
her mouth shut and let him keep going, maybe the flashback would have passed. Now it would only be more frightening the next time he approached her like this. Until they breached this wall without her losing her mind.
What if she kept begging? What if she couldn’t stop and just let him take and use and have that which he’d paid for and fed and clothed? Some wild and frenzied part of her prayed that the next time he would gag her so her protests couldn’t reach him and they could get through it without the event building ever larger and scarier in her head with each failed attempt.
There was a long moment of silence. He was thinking so loud she could almost hear it. Or perhaps that was just the way of things after being held captive in a dungeon for months. You became less human, more animal. You lived on instincts, read body language. You learned to anticipate things even if sometimes you desperately wanted to remain in the dark about the next moment.
Right now, Grace knew he was contemplating his next action. Would he punish her for begging him to stop? Would he start again? Would he start handling her like a piece of fragile, blown glass? Something of beauty to keep in a curio cabinet, but never to touch.
He sighed, and she went stiff.
“I’m sorry, Master.”
“For?”
His hand had gone to stroking through her hair and down her back. It was so soothing she couldn’t think. Was he angry with her? He didn’t sound angry. Was he disappointed? It occurred to her that the last thing she ever wanted to do was disappoint this man. And it was becoming less about the fear he’d return her to Lucas. On some basic level, she couldn’t convince herself he’d do that even though they were still relative strangers to each other. Another part of her brain jumped in immediately to chastise her for being so stupid and trusting. Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time? With the last one?
“I must be such a disappointment for you,” she whispered, finally.
He stopped petting her hair and the silence seemed to suck the oxygen from the room. “Let me get this straight . . . you are tortured for months and nearly starved, then you consider it your fault when you’re afraid of a complete stranger who just bought you?”
She shrugged, no longer sure what the correct answer was. She’d made a list in her head of all the times she’d already disappointed or disobeyed when she’d never before wanted this much to give something to another person in gratitude for the hell he’d taken her away from.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
She raised her face to his. If she hadn’t been wrapped in his arms, she would have run far away from the look in his eyes. She was still terrified to have that kind of intensity turned on her. Especially when she wasn’t altogether sure what it meant yet. If it meant pain or pleasure or something in between.
His fingers played over the column of her throat above the collar whose weight was already becoming a comfort of sorts. “I believe you and I both came to this island for the same reason. We both wanted something real. I wanted something real that was legal, where I could be sure the other person came to me freely. I never saw myself as the type of man who would just take without some basic initial consent in place first. But when I saw you, the only thing I could think of was possessing you. I know what you’ve been through. I know I’m probably damaging you further. I should stop making excuses and release you, find someone out in the real world that can help you somehow.”
He said real world as if they had both been caught up in some fuzzy bubble of a dream. Was this not real? And had he damaged her further? She couldn’t think of a way he had.
She gripped his arms, clutching onto him like a lifeline. “Please, don’t get rid of me.”
He lifted her chin. “Kitten, I don’t want to be a monster with you, but I won’t own you while you call the shots. No matter your history. I understand what you’ve been through is unimaginable, which is why I’m offering you your freedom off this island. I’m sure you would be welcome with Lainey. But if you stay, I will fuck you, and