he bought my story. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that only one student was driving the ever-living crazy out of me.
Last night was a mistake of catastrophic proportions. I wasn’t self-absorbed enough to compare the pain I felt to global warming, but if I were ice caps, I would have melted. The oceans were rising. Waves upon waves of shame were filling me up.
“I hear ya,” Lance agreed, slipping quickly into the conversation. “This new hotel owner is going to be the death of me. He wants me to come to Louisiana weekly for meetings. I don’t know, man.”
I gritted my teeth. Weekly meetings weren’t an option. One night was all it took for my resolve to crumble. Maybe I should move into my barely-renovated home already. It didn’t have running water or electricity yet, but at least she wouldn’t be there.
“That’s ridiculous,” I agreed, maybe a bit too harshly.
“I don’t want to be gone all the time. Blakely and I are finally connecting. I don’t want to ruin that by being in Louisiana all the time. Plus, I’d miss you. Then there’s Sean.” Sean was Lance’s newest boyfriend. I hadn’t met him, which was how I knew it wasn’t serious, but I was surprised to hear Lance bring him up.
“Tell the hotel manager that you can do virtual meetings. If he wants you in Louisiana, he’ll have to pay a premium. And obviously, we need to talk about Sean. Is it getting serious?” I prodded. Lance always had a stream of partners. Men. Women. Old. Eccentric. Docile. Bland. Vibrant.
Lance just loved. Plain and simple. Most of the time, it got him in trouble. He didn’t have a type; he was attracted to souls. I often wondered if his need to connect and burn bright was because his flesh and blood gave him up as a baby, but I never asked.
“I think it’s time you meet him. I’m nervous. Do you think Blakely will like him? We haven’t necessarily had the coming out parade. Everyone in my life has just always known that I’m pansexual, and I’m kind of anxious to tell her.”
I let out a slow, steady breath. “I don’t know Sean, so I’ll have to reserve judgment. If he’s anything like that Blair bitch project you brought home last time, you might need to worry. Blakely isn’t going to care who you stick your dick into.”
“You’re right. Why am I so fucked about her accepting me?”
Because Blakely was the type of person you craved acceptance from, I thought.
“Because she’s your sister, and it’s still new,” I answered. I was starting to feel twitchy talking about her, so I switched up the conversation. “We haven’t hung out in a while, just us. Let’s go to Joe’s tonight when you get home. We can talk about Sean and when I’ll get to scare him off.”
Lance laughed. He was always amused by my protectiveness, just as his effortless way of protecting me had always amused me. I had to work at my vigilant behavior; his version of caring came naturally, like breathing.
“I think you’ll like him. Let’s go out to Joe’s—just us. I know things have been different since Blakely showed up. It’s okay to admit you want some time with your best friend.”
I did miss him. I missed what we were before she showed up. I missed the absence of guilt. I missed not knowing this sense of yearning and pain. “Yeah, yeah whatever, fucker.”
Lance chuckled. “It’s always just been you and me. Everything is changing. Sean. Blakely. You’re still my best friend, Decker,” he said with a smile. “Still my bro.”
“Don’t get sentimental on me. You know I’m not good at that shit. See you tonight,” I laughed half-heartedly before hanging up the phone. Lance was like a brother to me, and he was the reason I couldn’t continue this thing with Blakely.
I looked around my classroom, my eyes zoning in on Blakely’s seat. It killed me to think of her face, the disappointed glare in her eyes when I’d dismissed her. I guess, in some ways, I felt like her mother—putting myself and my friendship with her brother first. This would be better for us in the long run, and I knew that it felt wrong now, but eventually she’d thank me.
I hoped.
I didn’t want to eat at Huck-a-poos. I didn’t want to sit at the bar, listening to Lance vent about Sean while Blakely floated around in her too-tight uniform with her tongue sticking