her quality of life was decent, I didn’t really have time for homework.
“Yeah, I was,” I replied, wanting to change the subject. I didn’t want to get my GED. I didn’t want to work in some crappy job with crappy pay. I’d had plans, once. “I think right now I’m just taking things a day at a time. I want to meet Lance and see if this is going to be a good fit for me. I have three weeks until school starts. If I think I can put some roots down here, I will. I’m not committing to anything yet, regardless of what you think.”
“Fair enough,” Decker replied speculatively before twisting his body to look at me. His white shirt strained against his muscular body, and sitting this close, I could see the hint of a tattoo peeking up his neck. “I teach biology at a magnet school,” he explained. “If you want to make something of yourself, let me know. I’d be happy to help you get enrolled. If you think you’ll just be sitting here on your ass, you’re dead wrong.”
I stared back at him, shock scattering across my face like spiders. “I have no intention of sitting here on my ass,” I replied in a mocking tone.
I twisted to stare at the front door, not sure if I wanted Lance to show up and end this awkward interrogation. I was pretty sure it would just elevate the strange situation to an entirely new level of uncomfortable. “I just want to make sure you aren’t another person capitalizing on Lance’s generosity. I am sorry about your mom though,” Decker finally said after a long lull.
I kept my eyes trained on the front door, willing my brother to show up and drag me away from the polite “thank you” I’d have to purge from my system. I felt terrible because there was a deep part of me, a piece I didn’t want to acknowledge or admit was there, that was happy to see her gone. Not because she was a terrible mother. Not because she brought boyfriends home that touched me and pushed me around. Not because we were poor and lonely.
I was glad Mama died because I was finally free. I didn’t want to be chained to a selfish woman’s suffering when I knew she ultimately wouldn’t provide me with the same courtesy. “Thanks,” I replied in a dull tone, my bland gratitude seeping from my pores with every syllable. “So I’m guessing Lance does this often? Takes in strays?” I asked.
“All the fucking time. Lance would give the shirt off his back to a murderer if given the chance,” Decker replied while rubbing his temples.
“Well, I’m not a murderer,” I replied with a smile, hoping to salvage the situation.
“That’s exactly the sort of thing a murderer would say,” he deadpanned.
I rolled my eyes before shifting on the couch, brushing my thigh against his in the process. “Did Lance have a good life?” I asked, not sure why I wanted to know. “I mean, what are his adoptive parents like?”
Thankfully, Decker picked up on my change of direction in the conversation and rolled with it. “Mr. and Mrs. Trask are outstanding people. I’m sure you have lots of questions, and Lance would be much better at answering them for you. But we grew up together, and for the most part, I think he’s had a very fulfilling life.”
I dug my fingers into my backpack, my nails bending backwards as I pressed. “I’m glad Lance had a good home. When I found out I had a brother that was put up for adoption, I didn’t know what to think. Did he know he was adopted? Or was this all a shock?”
“Mr. and Mrs. Trask have always been upfront about his adoption. He’s always craved a relationship with your mom though. He’s taking the death kind of hard.”
Well, that made one of us.
“Even though I’m not happy about you being here, I think it could be good for him to grieve with someone, you know? Maybe you could tell him about her?”
I’m not sure how the combination of words escaped my lips, but before I could stop them from pouring out my mouth, there they were. “He’d be happier not knowing,” I said in a voice so low that I hoped Decker didn’t hear.
“I see,” Decker replied, thankfully not commenting on it.
We were both left suspended in tension for a moment longer before the knob to the front door