Rose cocked her head back and laughed until tears were streaming down her cheeks. She kept wiping them away while Lance shook his head. Decker, on the other hand, just stared at me. His dark eyes were assessing as they swept up and down my body. “Oh God, Blakely. That’s priceless.” Rose patted my back.
“So, uh, anyways,” I began while shuffling on my feet. “What can I get y’all?” I clicked my pen and tapped it against my notepad, wanting nothing more than to disappear.
“Actually, we came here to pick you up. I have a surprise for you!” Lance said excitedly, all previous disgust gone from his face. I hated how my heart fell.
Most of Lance’s surprises thus far had been in memory of Mama, and I didn’t want another night where I’d have to straddle the line between happiness and reality for his sake. But because I’m a masochist, I plastered a smile on my face and tried to look excited. My false enthusiasm didn’t escape Decker though. I glanced at his scowl and could practically hear his whispered demands for truth.
“Oh?” I asked.
Rose interrupted, giving me more time to perfect my pretend happy face. She was weird but helpful at times. “It’s true. I’m giving you the rest of the night off. Go. Have fun. And your homework is to do something that scares you tonight. All of you,” she said before looking around the table. “I expect a full report in the morning!” And with that, she disappeared down the aisle of busy tables and waitresses, dancing on her feet as she went.
“Something that scares me, huh?” Lance asked as he stared at Rose’s ass disappearing down the restaurant. “I think where we’re going will be perfect for that.”
“A carnival?” I asked, as Lance maneuvered his Land Rover through a crowded parking lot. In the distance, I could see the bright lights illuminating the sky, I could also hear muffled screams inside the car. I was right in thinking that Lance would want to do something in honor of Mama, and even though I didn’t want to think about her, I couldn’t help but feel like she would enjoy this.
Mama always loved a good thrill; she did most anything for the adrenaline rush. There was something about rickety thrill rides haphazardly put together and taken apart night after night that got her going. Every time she came home from a carnival, it was like the entire world was lifted off her shoulders. I just wished that it was something she and I could have shared together, but Mama didn’t really like being a mother. She didn’t enjoy spending time with me outside of what was obligated.
“Are you excited?” Lance asked while looking at me through the rearview mirror. I was sitting in the backseat and quickly fixed my expression into one of joy. Hopefully, he believed it.
“Oh my gosh,” I began, forcing excitement to bleed through my teeth. “This is awesome! I didn't even know the carnival was in town.”
“It’s the last night. Figured we should celebrate since school starts on Monday. One last hurrah,” Lance answered while parking. He turned off the car and quickly got out of the driver side, but Decker and I lingered for a moment longer. I was reaching for the door handle, trying—and failing—to feel excited about something that should be exciting. Decker’s voice stopped me in my tracks.
“You okay?” he asked. His voice was so low I almost didn’t hear it.
“Yeah,” I choked out, knowing that he could sense the lie in my tone. Decker Harris could read me like a fucking book. I wasn’t sure how he figured me out so quickly, maybe it was the scientist in him, picking apart hypotheses and testing them until they yielded the result he wanted. I wasn’t an experiment; I was a broken soul with half a mind to run.
Pulling on the door handle, I got out without another word, not wanting to sit there and admit that this was hard for me. I struggled with Lance’s obsession with Mama but understood it, too. I just needed to separate my tarnished emotions from the equation so that I could support him.
Once in the parking lot, I looked over at Lance, who was bouncing on the balls of his feet, a wide grin taking over his face as he observed the scene before him. Teenagers were squealing and holding hands beside us. A mom had picked up