his silencing of me. I knew it was rational. I knew I shouldn’t want to be caught. But it was too symbolic of our relationship for it to not hurt.
Tears streamed down my cheeks and I didn’t let another sound escape my throat. If he wanted to say goodbye like this, I’d let him. I’d leave him in a way that honored our relationship: without a word.
A million lifetimes passed between each thrust. A million heartbreaks. I made peace with my broken heart in the silence of our fuck. I accepted his decision when we both came on the desk. We were nothing but writhing bodies. Only harsh gasps escaped our parted lips.
When he pulled out, it felt like he took my soul with him. He rested his forehead against mine as he calmed his breathing, his dark eyes never once leaving mine. “You’re mine, Blakely,” he promised, and it was the first lie I think he’d ever told me.
“Not anymore,” I promised before getting off the table and straightening my clothes.
Mama used to say that you could tell a lot about a man by the way they left you. She had enough practice being left to know what she was talking about. So I walked out of Decker’s classroom with my head held high, my fists clenched, and my soul on my sleeve. The day Mama died, I vowed to never be like her, and today I was the one that did the leaving.
30
Blakely
As I walked down the hallway and toward the lunchroom, Max called after me. I kept my feet moving, wishing this day would be over. “Hey,” he called out. “Are you okay?”
I briefly nodded and continued to walk, but he tugged at my shoulder and pulled me against the lockers. “I’m fine,” I choked out. The hall was mostly empty, as the bell had just rung, but I still felt crowded. The world felt too small.
Max looked left and right before speaking to me in a low voice so as not to be overheard. “You and Mr. Harris look like shit, babe. Did something happen?” he asked. “You can tell me. We’re friends, remember?”
I swallowed back emotions while trying not to give him a reaction. Everywhere ached. My heart, my sex, and my soul were battered by Decker’s touch. Sex with him in his classroom should have been hot and memorable, but it felt wrong. It wasn’t us; it was two fighting bodies trying to convince themselves that they belonged together.
Even though Decker and I were over, I wasn’t willing to out our relationship entirely to Maximillian. “I broke up with my boyfriend from Texas,” I finally admitted. It felt good to tell someone, even though it was veiled with a lie.
Max rolled his eyes. “We’re still saying it’s a boyfriend from Texas? All right, I’ll play.”
Against my better judgment, I smiled at his willingness to not ultimately call me out on my bullshit. “It just got too hard,” I admitted. “It was too much work. Too much risk. Too many secrets and hopes with no place to go.” Max took another step closer before bracing his hands against the lockers by my head. I felt caged in but comforted. “He didn’t even fight it,” I said with a choked sob. “I deserved a better goodbye, and I can’t even blame him. It happened over the phone. And then just now…” My voice trailed off. I couldn’t talk about what just transpired. “I’m the one that ended things, so why does it hurt so bad?”
“It hurts because he’s a dumb ass,” Maximillian replied simplistically. “Look, I’ve embraced the friend zone. Hell, I’ve built up camp here. But if I had a girl like you? There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you. I’d stalk you down, drive all the way from Texas, and demand that you stay with me. You need a man that shows up, and if he’s not willing to do that for you, then I’m happy to show you what it feels like to be properly chased.” His smile was warm, but I pressed at his chest with a pain-filled giggle. He remained firm and leaned close enough to rest his forehead against mine. It felt wrong to stand so close to him after everything that had happened, but I reveled in the comfort he offered.
The thing was, I’d never want Maximillian the same way I wanted Decker. Decker taught me how to breathe again. He helped me sail across an ocean of