he could see the exhaustion in my expression. School was kicking my ass lately. I had straight A’s, but it was hard to keep up. He helped me study in the evenings, and even gave pointers on a presentation I was going to give. I appreciated him tremendously but felt like I couldn’t keep up.
He leaned down for a kiss, making a smile break out on my lips. But instead of kissing me, he whispered over my mouth. “Lance is supposed to be gone tomorrow. Why don’t I take you out of town? We can make this feel more public in a place where people won’t recognize us?” he offered. It wasn’t the first time he had, either. It just felt too risky. This loft had become our prison and our safe haven. I didn’t have it in me to risk losing that.
Decker’s lips found purchase on my forehead just as the front door swung open. “Hey! I got home early.” Lance’s voice died off as Decker pulled away from me. A cool sheen of nervous sweat coated my skin as I turned away to greet Lance, who was staring at us curiously, a hint of anger on his angelic face.
“Hey,” I said with a smile before walking around the kitchen island to greet him. “How was work?” Could he hear the tremor in my voice? Could he see the intimacy bouncing between Decker and me?
“It was fine. What are y’all up to?” Lance asked while keeping his eyes on Decker. The speculation and assumptions were twisting like a tornado behind his blue eyes.
“Just talking about school.”
“You were standing awfully close to be talking about school,” he accused. It was right there, right at the tip of his tongue. Relief like a cannon burst through me, but I kept my mouth shut, offering Decker a curious glance to see if this was it. Would we finally tell Lance? He said he wanted to trial and error this thing between us, but I was ready for the next phase in our experiment.
And the look that greeted me was full of terror and pain.
Decker was gripping the island so hard I was confident it would crack. His lips were slightly curled, and his muscles flexed. Now was not the time.
I intervened, trying to salvage this moment, but it felt so, so wrong. “I’ve just been worried about my project in Chemistry. It’s embarrassing. He walked in on a total meltdown. And this shit with my dad is really freaking me out.” All of these things were honest. I wasn’t really lying to Lance, just avoiding telling him the full truth. It was ironic that the half-truths our relationship were built on still held us back now. Dad hadn’t reached out since he left two months ago. I was really fucking worried those men had him. School and work were wearing me down.
But none of it had me as worked up as Decker’s and my secret affair. And I was starting to realize that all these secrets were acting like a wedge between my brother and me.
“Oh, Blakely,” Lance said before wrapping me up in a hug. I hadn’t even realized I was crying until my salty tears were saturating his shirt. “Why didn’t you tell me? Do you need to call in to work tonight? Take a break?”
Lance was a chronic fixer, and it made me feel worse.
Pulling away as I wiped my face, I answered him. “No. I want to go tonight. It’s a welcome distraction. I just need some extra help lately, and Decker saw me crying. I’m sorry.”
“Of course,” Lance replied. “And I’ll be around to help out more, too. Sean and I broke up this past weekend. I wanted him to come meet you, but he said that was too close to labeling this relationship for him. I knew I shouldn’t have dated someone that hadn’t come to terms with his sexuality yet. I can go to his grandmother’s funeral, but meeting my family is too much, apparently.” Lance rolled his eyes in a painful, slow motion that was brimming with pain.
“What? You didn’t tell me,” Decker blurted out from his spot in the kitchen. The shock was evident on his face, as well as a hint of guilt.
Lance shrugged. “You’ve been extra busy lately.”
I took a good look at my brother and noticed the heartbreak in his eyes. “I’m sorry about Sean,” I croaked.