Tell Me Three Things - Julie Buxbaum Page 0,34
the kind of person who has spent hours debating said theoretical tattoos, despite my crippling fears of both needles and long-term commitment. Hence painless, temporary stickers: two Korean characters that Scarlett swears say “Best Friend”; the line to thine own self be true, written in Gothic script; and lastly, a snake, which was not on my list but which Scarlett added because she thought I should be more badass, even if only theoretically. Gem’s brilliant take: “I bet that says ‘loser’ in Japanese.”
Me: Total dried tubers. And thanks.
Ethan: For what?
Me: I don’t know. Defending me, I guess.
Ethan: I didn’t.
Me: Okay then.
Ethan: It’s just that you don’t seem like the kind of girl who needs defending.
• • •
Dri liked a photo of you and her on Instagram.
I click. Dri and I at the lunch table, Agnes just out of the frame. Was she cropped out? I can’t remember. Maybe. Possibly. I think so. That shouldn’t make me happy, but it does.
• • •
Scarlett: Not that you asked, but homecoming dress has been procured. FLUORESCENT YELLOW.
Me: You’ll definitely stand out.
Scarlett: Don’t need a dress to do that.
Me: How’s Adam? Psyched?
Scarlett: Think so. Having major breakout issues. Not just little ones, but big-ass whiteheads. Takes all my willpower not to attack them with my nails.
Me: Gross.
Scarlett: Too bad that wouldn’t count toward our community service requirement.
I’ll admit it. I take a screen shot. Four conversations at once. Four different people who have something to say to me. True, one was about work, one was about a school assignment, one is with Scarlett, who doesn’t count, and one is with someone I don’t even know, but still, I’m going to count them all. Proof that maybe I’m starting to have something resembling a life again.
CHAPTER 14
SN: three things to kick off your morning: (1) I’m terrified of flying. I hate every second I’m on an airplane. man was not meant to fly.
Me: Don’t love to fly but LOVE airports. Great people-watching.
SN: best hellos and goodbyes.
Me: Exactly.
SN: (2) I was a vegetarian for all of 8th and 9th grades, but I stopped because: bacon.
Me: Mmm. Bacon.
SN: (3) I spend way too much time playing video games. and you?
Me: Not so into video games.
SN: you: three things.
Me: Oh, right. (1) I generally don’t like vegetables, but I hold a special place in my heart for the brussels sprout.
SN: mmm. with bacon.
Me: (2) I’m a night person. Mornings suck. Why does school have to start so damn early? WHY?
SN: then I’m honored you’re talking to me before 8 a.m.
Me: Three cups of coffee. Gloria makes it strong. Have I told you about Gloria?
SN: ?
Me: The steppeople’s house manager. I was skeptical at first. It’s weird having someone who does all this STUFF for me. Don’t tell, but now I’m kind of in love.
SN: independence is overrated. as is being able to list laundry under mad skillz.
Me: (3) I’m a lefty, but when I was about 12 I decided I wanted to be a righty instead, so I trained myself to be ambidextrous. But now I think it’s cooler to be a lefty, so there’s 3 months of my life I’ll never get back.
SN: I’m a righty in all the things. ALL THE THINGS.
Me: Was that an attempt at innuendo?
SN: your use of the word “attempt” suggests that I failed.
Me: #innuendofailure
SN: I just said the word “innuendo” a bunch of times in my head and now its lost all meaning. innuendo. innuendo. innuendo. innuendo.
Me: Word ruined for me forever.
SN: ruinuendo.
Me: You are a dork.
SN: yes, yes I am. good that you find this out now.
CHAPTER 15
“It’s literally just sex. I’m not sure why everyone makes such a big deal about it,” Agnes says, and rolls onto her back on Dri’s bed so her head is hanging off the edge and her bangs fall backward. She has a large forehead. The bangs, it turns out, are less about being hipster-cute and more tactical. It’s Friday night, and instead of staying home with Harry Potter, I am here eating potato chips from a jumbo-sized bag, flipping through the Wood Valley yearbook, and chatting with Dri and Agnes, as if this is what I always do on weekends. And it doesn’t feel too weird. When I start to get a little nervous that Agnes doesn’t want me here, I remember that Dri invited me, even added a “come on, loser” when I said I might need to stay home and study. I chose to interpret her use of “loser” as affectionate.
“Since