reaches a hand out to touch me, but I take a step back, putting some much-needed distance between us. His eyebrows draw together, hurt by the move.
“I can’t do this.” It hurts. It physically hurts to be this close to him.
“Stay with me. Fuck our families. Fuck everyone else. Stay with me. Be with me.”
I shake my head as tears prick the backs of my eyes. “How can you ask me to stay when all you ever do is leave? All anyone ever does is leave me. You. Grey. My mom. Hell, my own dad left before he even knew me.” I sound like a crazy person. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and I swipe it away with the heel of my hand. “What is wrong with me? Because clearly, I’m the common denominator here.”
“Nothing is wrong with you,” he says vehemently, bringing his hands to cup my face, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks. “I wasn’t leaving you, Shayne.”
I pull away from his grasp. “You were, though. You found out about Grey and you shut down. You told me to leave without an explanation.” I swallow past the lump in my throat, trying to get through my next words without crying. “And now we know it wasn’t him and you’re here, thinking that changes things, but it doesn’t.”
“I heard that recording, and all I could do was worry about how I was going to break it to you. I stood there, watching you sleep, and I chose you. I chose you over my own brother. Because I’m supposed to be with you, Shayne, and we both fucking know it. And yeah,” he says, shoving a hand through his hair, “I had a guilt-ridden drunken breakdown, but that wasn’t me leaving you. That was me coming to terms with the fact that I had to let go of Danny to move forward with you. That’s why I came to your house. Before I knew Grey was innocent.”
My tears come hard and fast. He’s saying all the right things, and I want so badly to believe him. “There’s just too much shit between us. You’re Grey’s half-brother for fuck’s sake—”
“And? How is that any different than when I was your stepbrother? Our parents aren’t even together. This changes nothing.”
“I feel like all I do is fight for us. And I’m just…tired, Thayer.”
“Then I’ll be the one to fight. Because I’m not letting you go.”
“Well, I am.”
I watch the way his throat bobs when he swallows, his jaw clenched tight.
“We both knew this wouldn’t last forever, right?” I walk away before I do something stupid like take it all back. When I walk back into the cafeteria, all eyes are on me. It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
“Eat your fucking lunch, ya nosy bastards!” Holden yells, breaking the silence. Most people have the decency to avert their eyes. He and Valen flank my sides, walking with me.
“I can’t be here today,” I say once we’re out in the hall.
“Want me to come with you?” Valen offers.
“No, I’m fine. Seriously,” I say, forcing a smile when she sends me a doubting look.
“I’ll come over later.” I nod and she pulls me in for a hug.
“Come on. I’ll walk you out,” Holden says, tugging me into his side.
We make our way down the hall and through the double doors that lead to the student parking lot. When we get to my car, I climb into my seat, leaving the door open. Holden props his hand against the roof.
“This past year has fucked all of us up,” Holden says, seemingly out of nowhere.
I huff out a laugh. Ya think?
“But Thayer seemed to take it harder than any of us. He wore that chip on his shoulder, shutting all of us out. But when you came back…so did he. You literally brought him back to life.”
My chin wobbles, and then I’m crying again. I sniff, wiping my tears, feeling stupid. But Holden pulls me out of the car and wraps his arms around me, his hand stroking my ponytail. I hug him back, my cheek against his hard chest, taking the comfort he’s offering. If there’s one silver lining through this whole thing, it’s that Holden and I have our friendship back.
“He’s stubborn and moody and self-loathing, but I don’t think he loved a single thing until he met you.”
He said he’d fight for me. I always thought heartbreak was an emotional pain, but the ache in my chest says otherwise.