as I crawl back into my bed, pulling the blanket over my lap.
“I don’t even know where to start.” Taking the hair tie off my wrist, I throw my hair into a messy bun on top of my head.
“Let’s start with the fact that Thayer carried you off like a caveman in front of the entire town.”
I rack my brain for the right thing to say. I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time spitting it out. For so long, we met in secret, knowing it was wrong, but unable to stay away from each other. We knew it could ruin our family, that we ran the risk of being separated if anyone found out. So we took to stolen moments when no one was looking, and spending nearly all of our time in the barn. We had to hide for so long that I got used to lying to everyone around me. It became automatic. But we didn’t tell anyone, and things didn’t just fall apart. They shattered.
It’s not that I don’t trust Valen. We tell each other everything. But Thayer was different. I wanted our secret to stay safely tucked away inside our barn without anyone else’s opinions or judgment interfering. I felt like if I said it out loud, it would jinx it. But there’s no harm in telling her now that there’s nothing left to protect, and I could use someone to talk to.
“Before Danny died, Thayer and I were…together.” Sort of.
“I knew it!” she exclaims, slapping the mattress. “You fucked your stepbrother, didn’t you?”
I widen my eyes at her, gesturing toward the door. This is one conversation I don’t want my mom overhearing. “Be a little louder, why don’t you.”
Valen mimes zipping her lips and throwing away an invisible key. “Proceed,” she whispers.
Taking a fortifying breath, I decide to tell her everything. I tell her about the night of the funeral, when I nearly gave him my virginity. I tell her how I told him I loved him, and he told me to leave. I tell her about seeing Taylor there in his room later that night. I tell her about the suspicions surrounding Danny’s death, about Grey’s weird behavior, and how Holden and Thayer think he might have something to do with it. Everything I’ve been holding in spills out of me like an overflowing bathtub, but I can’t stop.
Valen goes through every emotion as I spew my verbal diarrhea, and when I’m done, all she does is pull me into a hug.
“I’ve made Valentina Solorio speechless.” I half-laugh into her sweater.
“You should’ve told me.”
“I know.”
“But I get why you didn’t.”
I hear Valen’s muffled laughter and I pull back, looking at her with my eyebrows raised in question.
“I’m sorry,” she says, shaking her head. “This just makes my petty heart so happy. Taylor is going to die when she finds out.”
“Valen! Did you not hear anything I just said? She’s not going to find out. There’s nothing to find out.”
“Why? It’s not like he’s your stepbrother anymore. And even if he was…” she trails off, a devilish gleam in her eyes.
I roll my eyes, flopping back onto my pillow. “It’s complicated.”
“Then uncomplicate it,” she says simply.
“I don’t know if it’s possible.” I wish it was. I wish we could let go of the lies, secrets, and hurt between us. I wish we could lay down our swords and give us a chance. But that kind of optimism belonged to the girl who confessed her love for the boy in the barn, only to have her heart broken. That girl learned her lesson.
Valen huffs out a sigh, falling back to my pillow beside me. We both stare at the ceiling, lost in thought.
“Let’s talk about something else,” I say.
“I think Liam’s going to break up with me.” Her tone is casual, betraying the sadness I know she must feel.
“What?” I ask, rolling onto my side to face her. “Why would you even think that?”
She keeps her eyes focused on the ceiling. “I don’t know. It’s just a feeling, you know? We’re drifting apart. We barely talk on the phone anymore. He hasn’t come down to see me for the past two weekends.”
“Maybe he’s just busy,” I offer. “He’s crazy about you.”
“Or maybe he’s surrounded by hot college girls and I’m not cutting it anymore.”
I snort out a laugh. “You’re joking, right? There isn’t a man between the age of twelve and two hundred who wouldn’t want you.”