Teacher (Voyeur #6) - Fiona Cole Page 0,78
This is the next step.”
“Sabrina…”
“I love you, Daniel. Don’t you want us to live together? Start our future?”
The spacious apartment all of a sudden shrunk to the size of a dollhouse, compressing my body with panic. I slicked my tongue across my dry lips, trying to control my breathing. Sabrina was my best friend. I cared about her, but I—I what? What did I want from this? Why couldn’t I just be honest with myself? With her?
She deserved it. She deserved the chance to be with someone who could love her. I cared about her…but if I loved her, shouldn’t I be jumping at the chance to live with my girlfriend?
“Can we talk outside?”
Honest. I had to be honest with her. She was my friend. She would want what’s best for me too.
The fresh air and sunshine didn’t help. She looked up with her brilliant green eyes, and I felt like I was choking. As much as I wanted to be honest with her, I needed to be careful. Sabrina was...fragile.
“Sabrina, I—I don’t know if I’m ready to move in together.”
“Why not? Don’t you love me? I know you don’t say it, but you don’t need to for me to know it.”
“I—I care about you so much.”
Her smile dimmed as realization sank in, but just as quickly, it came back more forced than ever. “Then next year. We can do the dorms for another year.”
“I don’t think a year will help.”
“Why not? Daniel, I love you. I—” The smile dropped completely, and she gripped my sweaty palms in hers. “I can’t do this without you. You have to love me.”
“I care about you so much. You’re my best friend.”
“Then I’ll love you enough for both of us. Daniel, you promised you wouldn’t leave me.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
“You are,” she shouted. “You’re abandoning me because I’m not good enough. God, I’ll never be good enough. Why bother? Why bother with anything? I’m a waste of air.”
She tried to jerk away, but I gripped her face in my palms and made her look at me. “You are good enough. You are good enough to be loved.”
“Just not by you?” she sneered.
Her eyes hardened, and I braced myself. Sabrina went through the full gamut of emotions when we fought—which had been more and more frequently since we started college. I tried to avoid it, but this felt like a freight train I couldn’t stop.
“I’m good enough to be fucked by you though. Is that all it was?”
“You know it’s not.”
“Well, maybe until you get your shit together, I’ll find someone else to fuck. How do you like that? If I’m not good enough to love, then you can’t fuck me either.”
“Dammit, Sabrina, don’t do this.”
“Do what? Act crazy? That’s what Kent thinks I am, so why not act like it?”
Fuck. Things were spiraling out of my grasp, no matter how hard I tried to hold on and control it.
“This isn’t about Kent.”
“What do you think, Daniel? Do you think I’m crazy? Is that why you won’t love me?”
“Sabrina…”
“You’re always going on and on about how I need help. How I should talk to someone, but why bother. I have you. Or I did have you.”
“You don’t need me. They have student services you can talk to. I’ve looked it up to help.”
“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” she screamed. “I want you to love me like I love you.”
“Sabrina, I—I’m so sorry. I care about you so—”
“Shut up, Daniel. Take me home.” And just like that, the fight seeped out of her. Her shoulders dropped as she swiped at her cheeks.
“Please, don’t do th—”
“Please.”
The drive was eerily silent, and I wanted to say a million things, but instead said none. I thought about lying and saying I loved her, but where did that leave us in a year? She needed help. She needed someone who really did love her.
When we got back to campus, I walked her to her dorm building, but she wouldn’t let me come up.
“Just know I’ll always love you.”
And she walked away before I could say anything else.
I downed the rest of my drink, staring at the blank screen of the TV. The only light came from the single lamp on the end table. I’d been too lazy to turn on more than that. I’d come home from work and sat on the couch, only moving to get more to drink.
That’d been my nights since Hanna had dropped her bomb on me.
I love you.
I love you.
Her sweet confession